Enduring your spouse in times of stress

[cornetto 0]

not the 1st time liao... but sometimes i really feel like divorcing my hubby.

whenever i am down, he will not bother to console me or encourage me in any way. he will just run away & say things like: "oh oh, tink i got u at a wrong time" then poof! gone. even if he couldn't be ard when the matter happened, he wouldn't even bother to bring up one word of it when we meet up.

aren't couples supposed to share their joys & sorrows? why is it tt my hubby can leave me alone in tears whenever i am so upset & have fun with his colleagues?

i am so sick of it.

[Air 0]

not the 1st time liao... but sometimes i really feel like divorcing my hubby.

whenever i am down, he will not bother to console me or encourage me in any way. he will just run away & say things like: "oh oh, tink i got u at a wrong time" then poof! gone. even if he couldn't be ard when the matter happened, he wouldn't even bother to bring up one word of it when we meet up.

aren't couples supposed to share their joys & sorrows? why is it tt my hubby can leave me alone in tears whenever i am so upset & have fun with his colleagues?

i am so sick of it.

Aiyoh cool down cool down...maybe he's just afraid of saying the wrong things in front of you when you are sad....so he thought it's better to let you cool down then talk to you later when you are feeling better....perhaps he doesn't want to bring this up cos he's afraid he will remind u of your sadness again? My hubby also like that....he said he doesn't know how to handle me when i'm feeling upset so he usually just leaves me alone until i cool down then talk to me...i'm very fed up with him sometimes too...but some guys just aren't good at consoling ppl, wait make things worse....now i'd rather talk to my buddies than talk to him....hv u tried talking to friends?

[cornetto 0]

i cannot just turn to frens whenever i am down. it will not be fair to them too.

i just wonder why i married a guy who just runs away at the sight of sorrow & leaves me alone like that all the time. somemore he can still go out & play. if he loves me, why would he do this to me? why marry me when he doesn't even care?

one day, if i kena accident & lose an arm or leg & become very sad, prob he will leave me altogether.

[Air 0]

i cannot just turn to frens whenever i am down. it will not be fair to them too.

i just wonder why i married a guy who just runs away at the sight of sorrow & leaves me alone like that all the time. somemore he can still go out & play. if he loves me, why would he do this to me? why marry me when he doesn't even care?

one day, if i kena accident & lose an arm or leg & become very sad, prob he will leave me altogether.

aiyoh choy choy! touch wood...what lose arm lose leg....pls remain intact hor...

not that you are being unfair to your friends, but with friends, you share your troubles, they can offer u another perspective, it's always good to talk to someone....dun sit there and think alone, i can guarantee u things confirm get worse....you will feel even more stressed....

No lah i figured most likely he just duno how to handle u when u are down, just scared of saying wrong things...like my hubby....guys are like that, not like girls who are better at consoling ppl....i think u two need to have a good talk....tell him your concerns so he understands how u feel...no point just thinking that whether u married right guy or wrong guy....there can be no conclusion like that.....u only end up getting more white hair....

Edited July 27, 2007 by Air

[cornetto 0]

actually i did... told 1 of my frens just a while ago. only get superficial replies like "things will get better". sickening...

[Air 0]

actually i did... told 1 of my frens just a while ago. only get superficial replies like "things will get better". sickening...

Things will definitely get better but it will depend on how you handle the situation...if you choose to suffer in silence and not talk abt this issue in the open with your hubby, things can only go one way, downhill....communication is the key....need to be open about your feelings...otherwise the more you hide, the more miserable u feel, the more you over-analyse, the more u sink into depression....

[cornetto 0]

Things will definitely get better but it will depend on how you handle the situation...if you choose to suffer in silence and not talk abt this issue in the open with your hubby, things can only go one way, downhill....communication is the key....need to be open about your feelings...otherwise the more you hide, the more miserable u feel, the more you over-analyse, the more u sink into depression....

yes things will get better once this painful phase passes. but the prob will not die cos it's a recurring one.

talked to him already. he retorted: dun think the world revolves around u. wtf?

when i needed a shoulder to cry on, he is NEVER there. and on these occasions, he can still go out & have fun with his frens or colleagues. doesnt it look like i married the wrong guy?

[Mousehunt 0]

Marriage are made in heaven. So are lightings and thunder. As someone has mentioned, communication and respect are the key to any successful relationship be it BGR, couple or parent-child.

Get your hubby to sit down and talk and to find out what he feels. Rather than guessing because guessing will get you no where.

I used to be like your hubby. But as we talk and understand her expectation, I learn how to handle a depressed her. But of course, still not up to her standard but still trying.

Edited July 27, 2007 by Mousehunt

[TPY 0]

cornetto i understd how u feel. but what air is saying is right...need a lot of time n patience to explain why u need his listening ear n some words of consolation...

my hb at first is like yours. its becoz he dunno how to handle an upset and a depressed me. however after explaining to him now he understds like all I need from him is emotional support...

so he is very apt at listening to me and cheer me up whilest i am feeling down.

so bottomline must explain to him..very patiently. i am sure he will find his ways to give u emotional support..jia you!

Man are from Mars, women from Venus. As a man ,sometimes I do tryto be empathy and think from the other party's point of view but quite often I get it doing it the wrong way. So more you do more you wrong. So better don't do and wait and see how. (Normaly how man will react). Try read the book and you may understand why man and women handling things differencely.

[Air 0]

cornetto i understd how u feel. but what air is saying is right...need a lot of time n patience to explain why u need his listening ear n some words of consolation...

my hb at first is like yours. its becoz he dunno how to handle an upset and a depressed me. however after explaining to him now he understds like all I need from him is emotional support...

so he is very apt at listening to me and cheer me up whilest i am feeling down.

so bottomline must explain to him..very patiently. i am sure he will find his ways to give u emotional support..jia you!

Ya agree with diva that patience is the key....takes time...u can't change him overnight....till now, i'm still trying to understand my hubby...at times, i also feel the same way as you, have i married the wrong guy?? Then I realise I have faults too that he doesn't take to heart.....just that I chose to be more verbal abt it...we will talk abt the issue in the open and trash everything out, then everything will be very sweet for the next few weeks or months...then few months later, same issue happens again, we talk again.....ppl do forget sometimes....we all need constant reminders...trashing it out from time to time helps...u won't have so much pent-up anger in you...it's not healthy to hold so much anger inside your heart...

it's through frequent communication only can u understand each other's needs better....work on it....dun kp thinking whether u married the wrong guy...it's not constructive to the marriage at all....u two need to sit down and work out your problems...force him to do it...it's the only way to maintain the marriage....avoiding the problem and treating it doesn't exist will be detrimental in the long run...i know it's been said to death but really, it takes 2 hands to clap...dun assume u know what the other party's thinking...u nvr know...

[cornetto 0]

know what a woman's greatest fear is? marrying a guy who cannot be depended upon. a guy who only knows how to eat, drink & make merry all the time. sway sway, i kena this kind of guy. all i can do is depend on myself.

i had been patient wif him long enuff, but i still see no changes. whenever he treats me like that (dirt), i forgave him. but time & again, he can choose to hurt me.

some of my frens told me to do the same to him, but i simply do not fancy the "payback" strategy.

[Air 0]

know what a woman's greatest fear is? marrying a guy who cannot be depended upon. a guy who only knows how to eat, drink & make merry all the time. sway sway, i kena this kind of guy. all i can do is depend on myself.

i had been patient wif him long enuff, but i still see no changes. whenever he treats me like that (dirt), i forgave him. but time & again, he can choose to hurt me.

some of my frens told me to do the same to him, but i simply do not fancy the "payback" strategy.

Was he already like this during your courtship days?

[cornetto 0]

oh dear...why does he react so drastically...

in dat case..its best to have your own network of frens to talk to..

for me i have 4 good frens that i will meet up regularly to chit chat and share whatever xin fan i have. gals are better listerners n they offer very avenue for ranting..

den go home my hb would offer solutions which bascially solves my problems..

come to think of it, he has never offered any solution to any of my probs.

Was he already like this during your courtship days?

he was, but improved. sad to say, just recently, things worsen

[Air 0]

he was, but improved. sad to say, just recently, things worsen

Did you find out why? If you felt that things have worsened, have you done anything to salvage the situation? Cannot just sit and wait for things to happen...u really ought to ask him...maybe he is feeling too stressed up too....

[korea 0]

know what a woman's greatest fear is? marrying a guy who cannot be depended upon. a guy who only knows how to eat, drink & make merry all the time. sway sway, i kena this kind of guy. all i can do is depend on myself.

i had been patient wif him long enuff, but i still see no changes. whenever he treats me like that (dirt), i forgave him. but time & again, he can choose to hurt me.

some of my frens told me to do the same to him, but i simply do not fancy the "payback" strategy.

haiz, i understand how you feel lor. a woman's greatest fear is to marry the wrong man.

sometimes, my hb will help me to solve my problems but sometimes he doesn't. it depends. i also don't understand what men are thinking. !!