Do You Wish For Your Child(ren) To Support You?

[Chunky Monkey 2]

Hard to.. Especially with the recent wage increases.. I'm still boiling inside knowing the difference between Bush and Nathan is S$2.75 million and US is maybe 2.75 million times bigger than Singapore..

You shouldn't. And this is the problem of not reading in between the lines. Bush gets paid loads more but it not declared as income. But as allowances and other miscellaneous things. So, don't let the press fool you. I would be happy for the Ministers and Members of Parliament to earn high salaries so they will give up their cushy private sector jobs to serve the nation. Our country is in great order. And alot of expats know that and live here because of that. A friend from Czech Republic always tells me that living in SG is great, and SG is the best place on earth because things move, our processes are great etc. My very own DH thinks SG is the best and he's a foreigner who have lived in most other Asian countries to be able to say this.

[zirhk3355 1]

No, my husband and I do not expect our children to support us financially.

Wow I am really rooting for your idealogy and life-thoughts, but I guess its quite hard to impose all these in this young forum.

My views are like this: Just like the way modern couples live together as two individual, self-substaining persons, I felt that besides family love, we should treat them as such too. I am not all for a westernised view, but I do concur with the western culture that if a kid had started to work and earning a reasonable income but still continue to stay with the parents, it is considered leeching.

And there was this controversial statement made by a kid sometime ago which shocked our older generation: It is the parents' job to take care of me because they had brought me into the world. But as to whether I will take care of them in future, that is my prerogative, and dependent on how they had treated me. To a certain extent, I do agree with this school of thought, or putting it in a nicer way: It should be an act of love to care for one's old parents, rather than an act of duty.

Perhaps because I came from an average joe family and being an average joe myself, I am already feeling the heat as the sole male offspring of my parents.

See the vicious cycle here: You take care of your parents and then take care of your kids; unless you are well-to-do, its quite difficult to expect to take care of yourself when old. Thus when the time comes, you will expect your kids to take care of you, and the cycle goes on.

In the past, this is insignificant because families were big with at least 5 to even 10+ offsprings. Nursing home bills of $1000+? No problem, each kid only got to pay $100 - of course I can safely say that I will do my part as a filial child!

But look at what we are now, and the rising costs of living - as the cycle goes on, it will become more and more miserable down your family line. And it doesn't help when the society chide you for being unfilial if you even dare try to give yourself and/or your children a better life than your parents. So everyone suffers in silence.

(Insurance agents always have a ball trying to scare you to think about all these, how many millions you will need for you and your family to survive. Baaa...!)

And the worst situation that is always prominent in an Asian family: What happens if the parent or child dies prematurely? The cycle is broken, everyone suffers and everything is affected.

So I am quite determined to break free from the perception that its the children's duty to take care of their parents. For me, each member of the family will live as separate individuals, but love as one united. Of course, that can only start from my wife and myself, as its not fair to tell my parents at this point that I am not going to pay for their needs.

Edited May 23, 2007 by zirhk3355

[Chunky Monkey 2]

My views are like this: Just like the way modern couples live together as two individual, self-substaining persons, I felt that besides family love, we should treat them as such too. I am not all for a westernised view, but I do concur with the western culture that if a kid had started to work and earning a reasonable income but still continue to stay with the parents, it is considered leeching.

Well, truth be told, the singles in Western cultures are beginning to realise it's not economical to move out. Freedom and independence do not bring food to the table. Literally. I was looking at some statistics last year, and increasingly American young adults are staying home.

I used to think that young people should stake out on their own from the time they are financially independent. But when I became a mother, my views changed. By the time my children become adults, if they should leave home, I would only have an empty nest. And boy, I would surely miss them. So .... I will most probably land up like my very own mother .... who's housing my youngest (unmarried) brother and pretty much enjoying some company at home.

[zirhk3355 1]

Well, truth be told, the singles in Western cultures are beginning to realise it's not economical to move out. Freedom and independence do not bring food to the table. Literally. I was looking at some statistics last year, and increasingly American young adults are staying home.

Haha, but the statistics did not show if the parents of these young people are happy with their kids staying home?? I mean not that a parent would complain in context of having your kids continuing being by your side, but more in view of having to PAY for more than what you had planned for.

I used to think that young people should stake out on their own from the time they are financially independent. But when I became a mother, my views changed. By the time my children become adults, if they should leave home, I would only have an empty nest. And boy, I would surely miss them. So .... I will most probably land up like my very own mother .... who's housing my youngest (unmarried) brother and pretty much enjoying some company at home.

Well I can see what you meant; but erm, surely your mum is getting worried for your youngest brother, that is if he is coming of marriable age? I used to worry that my parents would be bored when I move out, and that my youngest sister (who is 13 yrs my junior) can accompany them. However, my worries were unfound: My parents are really getting on with their lives, organising karaoke sessions, movies, overseas tours, etc on their own, and I believe they are subtly hinting to my youngest sister that she should be moving on soon!

In order to be truly independent, I also believe that I must learn to lead my own life rather than hoping for my kids to stay by my side for as long as possible.

Edited May 23, 2007 by zirhk3355

[Chunky Monkey 2]

Well, that's true. Who knows if parents resent it or they don't.

My youngest brother will always be the baby of the family. And quite honestly, my mother *loves* having him around, so she can continue to baby him. He's in his late 20's but he doesn't wish to marry until he is in his early 30's. That's his life, his choice. I think for a man, it's OK. But for a woman, not so when her biological clock is ticking, and if having children is on the cards.

I agree with you. We must lead our own lives. That's why I don't want to expect anything, so as to lower my risk of disappointments. If pleasant surprises present themselves, I will just count it as my stars are in line! LOL

[HSH21 1]

Haha, but the statistics did not show if the parents of these young people are happy with their kids staying home?? I mean not that a parent would complain in context of having your kids continuing being by your side, but more in view of having to PAY for more than what you had planned for.

Worst is the chld bring another person back...my collegue complainted about her son's girl friend stays at her house... end up she has to cook extra food... wash more clothing...

[Chunky Monkey 2]

Worst is the chld bring another person back...my collegue complainted about her son's girl friend stays at her house... end up she has to cook extra food... wash more clothing...

Tell your colleague to take a different view on things. It's any time better to have her son at home than to have him at his GF's house, or out in the streets till the wee hours of the night courting trouble.

[HSH21 1]

Ya... I also prefer my children bring their friends home... is better than I don't know where are they...

[TYM 0]

No, my husband and I do not expect our children to support us financially. Emotional support would be accepted in truckloads though On the same token, we also do not plan to give our children any inheritance. When we plan our retirement nestegg, we use the scenario whereby every cent gets spent, and with no leftovers. (folks in financial planning will know what I am talkng about)

What I aim to do as a parent, is to provide them the best education I can afford, and that to me, is the ticket to their future success and they can do whatever they want with their lives after that. To me, that's the best I can do, and the rest is up to them.

We are a generation of parents who have to consider that our adult children may NOT even want to leave home, because it's free to stay with Mummy & Daddy. And still depend on our supplementary credit cards to top up on some of their expenses. So be prepared ....

I do not agree that having children *CAN* be rationalised into costs and benefits. If you think this way, you will be a disappointed parent or not be a parent at all. The costs of bringing up children, for sure overweighs that of the tangible benefits you could possibly derive from children of your own. What cannot be measured is the size of family love that you will appreciate when you have them.

On a very recent weekend trip with my husband alone, I asked him if he could imagine life without our lovely children (implying that as a couple, we could travel more on our own). His answer to me was "I don't have to imagine what it would be like, because I would not have it any other way. I love you and I love our children"

A note to new couples here .... you may think it's a funny public propaganda to encourage couples to have children to replace ourselves. I tell you not. With the aim of 6.5m population to sustain our economy, if you all don't go out there to reproduce, the increase of population will be an imported one. Not to forget that alot of Singaporeans are also migrating overseas. And one day, Singaporeans *will* be the minority in SG. Do something whilst you still can. Don't debate so much about having kids. It's not always ME ME ME. Take one less holiday a year. Buy one less branded watch. Spend less money. Put all of that into a family kitty. Think for the country.

Err, me not so noble as to procreate for the nation.

Although, I love kids (I am sure everyone do) and love to play with my nieces and nephews, but to play and raise them is a different thing. Who knows, I may choose to go the selfish way and become DINK.

[dasreich 0]

Hopefully my son still remember I'm his dad and not a stranger then.

Never expect him to support me, if he supports me I would consider it a bonus.

[LinDa 0]

Hopefully my son still remember I'm his dad and not a stranger then.

Never expect him to support me, if he supports me I would consider it a bonus.

We used to joke in office that we put in so much hours (staying till 2 or 3am on some days), will we go home one day and our kids call us 'AUNTIE' instead..