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HT devil

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Posts posted by HT devil

  1. Posted

    hi all,

    thks for all the advise from all of u. seems that things are getting better since the first time i created this talk. not very sure if i am the one creating trouble or many ladies had gone tru this before too. well, since then , i had started to sms my hubby very frequently and some times i will add in to tell him that i love him soooooooo much n wanna him to assure that he loves me too.. N he replied too. n created little time just for small talk n spent more time with him too on this 2 weekends. i think this will be the end of this talk until i have further question to ask. thks again. luv u all......

  2. Posted

    my personal opinion is confusion and misunderstanding are created when couples are not opened in communication. What is the point of privacy when both parties are committed to marriage and staying with each other thru thick and thin throughout their lives....

    if keep harping on rights of privacy...even bills, salary, credit card spending, sms and emails or phone calls can be used as rights of privacy. Going with frens but not saying who they are, toking to frens but not telling whats the content...the list goes on and there is no way to draw the line. each person will have his own area of privacy which may not be deemed important to the other party. Where to draw the line?

    Without privacy, all is opened and shared. i believe this create lesser confusion, suspicious feeling, misunderstanding and lesser guessing games.

    thks

    my personal opinion is confusion and misunderstanding are created when couples are not opened in communication. What is the point of privacy when both parties are committed to marriage and staying with each other thru thick and thin throughout their lives....

    if keep harping on rights of privacy...even bills, salary, credit card spending, sms and emails or phone calls can be used as rights of privacy. Going with frens but not saying who they are, toking to frens but not telling whats the content...the list goes on and there is no way to draw the line. each person will have his own area of privacy which may not be deemed important to the other party. Where to draw the line?

    Without privacy, all is opened and shared. i believe this create lesser confusion, suspicious feeling, misunderstanding and lesser guessing games.

    thks

  3. Posted · Edited by HT devil

    I think the threadstarter should edit the topic title coz its really misleading. Your title should be "Y MY Man Change Only After Staying Together" instead of "Y Do Man Change Only After Staying Together" coz you are implying all men change only after staying together, unless you mean something dirty :P:notti::notti:

    Anyway how can you be so sure that your man change only after staying together? It could be that was the real him all along and you dont know him that well afterall.

    ya... someone wrote that too. but u know , think its me who only realised that he is different from previous ma... :dunno:

  4. Posted

    Some Story to share..... :)

    Husband Store

    A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

    You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

    'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

    So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

    'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

    'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

    St ill, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

    PLEASE NOTE:

    To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.

    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. :dribble:

    The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited. :sport-smiley-004::sport-smiley-004:

    waaaaaaaaa. nice hor...

  5. Posted · Edited by HT devil

    He brings his hp everywhere he goes? Is that his habit previously? It is important that you stay calm at all time in spite of the question marks exploding in your head, ok. I hope this is just a case of hb work related stress for his kind of behaviour. Find a chance to talk about fun sweet memories which you guys had done together. Get the mood lighten up ok? Get him a handmade card to show ur support as a wife. if he can't listen, at least he can read rite? Smile more often but not like a stupid fool. Stroke his hand/face when in bed/asleep. Be demure & alert! Maybe it will touch his conscience and come to his senses for neglecting you.

    man is the pillar of the house but the wife is the heart of the family. Without the heart, the pillar will collapse too.

    Perpentual, trust your man? heavy sigh....I wonder why there are so many unfaithful hbs then. Never trust your man, but your heart!

    wa....from ur words. u trusted ur man so much... gd gd

  6. Posted

    I don't understand why you say men change only after staying together. Actually, it seems like he has remained the same, while you have started to pry into his private life. In a matter of months, you have started monitoring who calls him, who emails him and everything that he does. 6 years of dating, and you had never done so. You also know you have been disrespecting his privacy.

    You are also crying more, getting angry more - which would put anyone off. If there were a better road to divorce, this is it.

    Not only that, you have not found anything incriminating, despite going to extreme lengths - it seems like you hope to find something. What you have found seems to imply only that the two women are throwing themselves at him and he seems to not care much. Ironically, there are women who love men who ignore them. They see it as a challenge and will continue to 'hound' him.

    He is working in a fairly stressful line, where people may call him at all hours to discuss things. His free time is during the day. At night, when people are off work - they will call him to discuss details. If he were to have an affair, he would have it during the day. Rates are cheaper, and when he's travelling from site to site, he can easily slip off for some 'hot coffee'. Why bother with night-time when it's so easily discovered?

    What I am saying is, he is likely not having an affair, and those calls are from clients, which is why he ignores them. Sometimes, the call is from an important client, and he probably has no choice but to take the call.

    Think about his situation - while he's working in a difficult and uncomfortable line, he has a wife who shows no trust in him, despite having been dating for six years before getting married. Day in, day out, he probably 'kena' left, right, centre from rough and unreasonable clients. Go home, day in, day out, kena left right centre from his wife, who wants him to change to suit her.

    Even when you tried something romantic, it was something you like - not what he likes. Communication does not always need to be verbal - it could be physical or from actions. Does he like massages? Food? Quiet? Do you hold hands regularly? Kiss goodbye? Hug and cuddle while at home? While watching TV, try massaging his hand and keep quiet. Perhaps he just needs time alone - then do your own things too, but drop by from time to time and give him a peck just to remind him you're there.

    hi ryan13680,

    thks.... i know all this all this while but say is easy then do ma.....

    hi ryan13680,

    thks.... very chim lei..... but very true too. all the words are in the "COMPO' already..

    cantona7,

    thks for understand my stituation now.

    over the weekend, had tried what u all had suggest ( wear nice clothes, hold hands, go walk walk) but he seems not interested.... sigh . tought there isn't any call ringin this few nights ( i don know did he off the phone ) but i just take it at it didn't ring. but i notuce that he took e phone everywhere he goes to. if it normal? like yest early in the morn he woke up n sit in the living room, n go along with the phone . then this morn got sms too. n while he is driving, he just hold on to the phone until he get doen the car ( pump petrol ) n the phone goes along too. i keep myself not to ask him but he like peep peep to c wheather i ask him or not...... strange??

  7. Posted

    find one weekend dont go out for movie or dinner lor....

    actually for me i dont like to go movie for dating too...u see we spend money,sit down,not look at each other,only hold hand.cannot talk haizzzzzzz............but why alot of people like to go movie for dating ler hor 8|8| maybe im the abnormal one :lol::lol:

    if like u said, he always want to stay at home, maybe both of u da bao, rent a dvd /download and watch together at home? that will more sweet....

    ya hor.... nvr thought of it.... ok will c c what show is nice...

    if he cannot change, u try to change urself first, for ur both happiness.

    if after u try to change still not happy at least u already try ur best.

    Do u plan to hv a bb soon?

    i don wan leh...

    yest , i try to be romantic.. know what?? iburn armoma in the rm n know what happen??? he did close the rm close when he came in cos he say how to sleep with the rm such a smell.. sighhhhhhhhhh really don know what to say....

    so sad....

    Hahaha sometimes man really dont undrstand what woman want! 8|8|:lol:

    me too sometimes to be romantic and act cute but hubby dont get it :furious::bangwall:

  8. Posted · Edited by HT devil

    Cantona7.

    ROM for 2 yrs . only moved in to stay together these past 3 wks. hee hee

    know man don change becos of u.... well it only me who is changing....

    ur story sound very familiar.... hee hee

    Ur GF??? thought its wife?? ( read ur forum too)

    so true that i know this NOBODY is somebody that he don wanna me to knw.

    perpentual,

    24/7??? nvr hear him say. even so , he should be picking up instead of no pickin up rite??

    mind somewhere someplace lor..

    Phantom.

    urs is always so chim n so tue..

    men..sometimes so easy to understand...got eat..sleep..play...happy liao...dun make them think too much or plan too much...sometimes so difficult....not straight to them point...hint hint and expect us to read their minds...

    marriage is indeed a tiring and rewarding affair...and maintaining & building of trust and faith is always an on going project...

    how long have u all been married? or having another GF? hehe

    me married for 3 yrs this yr but only stay together this 3 wks

    yest , i try to be romantic.. know what?? iburn armoma in the rm n know what happen??? he didn't close the rm close when he came in cos he say how to sleep with the rm such a smell.. sighhhhhhhhhh really don know what to say....

  9. Posted

    u need to understand him, the more u want him to tell u the more he feel u are not a good person to tell(cause keep force him ),cause he need a very very relax time...to talk slowly and comfort with patient,let him speak to u when he want.let him feel he trust you really care and listen, not listen because u want to know.

    TOO SLOW WILL FALL ASLEEP > COS ONLY BED TIME THAT I GOT A CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM

    nah....nah...nah.... u got the point liao lohh.....gv him a TIME hahhaha.weekend ler...also dont hv time ar?

    weekend ??? maybe going for a movie n dinner........

  10. Posted

    send cute nude pic or body paint is ok i think, i usualy also send to my male friends,and their wife some is my best friends. except the lady send really p*rn pic to ur hb..... :bangwall:

    CRIED CRIED

    how too make him speak...hmmm....actually u know better than us, cause u already 6 year with him, and like u said his add book only hv 4 contact :jawdrop: from here u know already he is a person who dont knw how to expression his feeling,or chatty.and need a time to find a friend who can match with him.and u are the lucky one to be choose.

    TRIED MANY YRS N STILL TRYING

    u need to understand him, the more u want him to tell u the more he feel u are not a good person to tell(cause keep force him ),cause he need a very very relax time...to talk slowly and comfort with patient,let him speak to u when he want.let him feel he trust you really care and listen, not listen because u want to know.

    TOO SLOW WILL FALL ASLEEP > COS ONLY BED TIME THAT I GOT A CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM

    by checking his email actually =worst= u not trust him=more tired to talk to u

    ONLY STARTED YEST

    haiyaaaa my engriishhhhh is bad ar if not i can write alot alot liao hwuawhuawhauwa

    HA HA MINE IS EVEN WORST

  11. Posted

    Just tell your hubby

    1) You know he has things on his mind.

    2) He's probably not telling you because he doesn't want you to worry

    3) Regardless, tell him you love him and hope he can find a solution and that you'll be there for him.

    If he is having problems, he will appreciate what you tell him. If he's having affair or something he will now rethink it.

    Its the best solution IMHO.

    Sometimes, there are men who rather keep all the problems to himself because he feels that he tell you, you also cannot help.

    Rather 2 person worry. He worry alone can already.

    Good luck with everything.

    thks! i like that ..

  12. Posted

    sometimes, it cld b a 1 way situation (where the other party is interested n keep baitin him)

    cld it b possible tat he is moody also cos it's disturbin to him n he's thinkin of how to deal? (seein as he doesn't wan to even answer the ringin phone sometimes. if somethin is goin on, i'm sure he will b sneaky bout it liao....)

    juz my POV, try hard not to harp on this (i know it's difficult cos ur're hurt by him hidin things from u). juz b urself n being sweet as always to him.

    his type most prob very slow to warm-up (my one @ home same). when he feel he's really to talk, i'm sure he will. i've learnt not to probe these ppl cos they will tend to shrink even more (like crab). as long as u show ur concern, they r more than happy to know u support him. he dun seem like a bad guy at all by ur description so in the meanwhile, stay strong!

    so just observe n cry on my own now..... :dunno:

  13. Posted

    Checking on ur HB email or phone will really put ur marriage on the rock.... :( I dont know what is the content of the email but if only Nu..de pic of ladies from friend Hubby then is OK..

    Chances is I think you suspect him is having an affair right???

    i know that checking his things is bad for a relationship. but NU.. pic from female? a bit odd rite.. would anyone do that ??

    devil says he is n angel says he is not... so how???

    no lah cantona...jus trying to narrowing the possibilities mah...money...woman...health...work...

    since it is not, most likely not money or work....then it will be woman or health...

    woman prob : to determine one sided or both sided prob...he into some r/s..or aviod advances? nowadays woman are quite agressive hor...

    now nobody knows who is sender of those emails and pics....cannot judge by email address leh....but cannot see the actual real sender....

    thats why...HT Devil, dun do anything irrational that will give other pple chance to make the whole situation worst....calm..calm...think think..plan plan

    know what??? i had think think until i dont know what to do. plan for what? if in e past, i would have confronted him n give that lady a call. but now........

  14. Posted

    6 years liao ah....

    so far no suggestion of money prob..

    so far u mention : late night unanswered calls (since are around)...not sure if he will answer if u are not around? check calls history?? who call in...who call out...duration of calls...sms....

    artistic photos : s_x prob?.... but if he comes back every night...maybe situation not so bad....not yet disappearing act huh...

    maybe two of u go for short gateaway? just suggesting...u the best person to assess the situation....watever u do...dun give 3rd party a chance to step in....be objective....breathe.....

    unanswered calls are normally not in bed time. night is the smses..

    artistic photos - is she trying to say something to him?

    getaway? we do 2 to 3 times a yr but only not this yr cos we were concentrating on the new house reno n wedding this yr. i tried to breathe but think breathless already...

    Diffrent make perfect:) every electricity need positive and negative to make it working :notti:

    so even u like this one he like that one, as long as both comminicate well everything will be perfect.

    one question.... how to make him talk????

  15. Posted

    thks everyone!!!! appreciate so much of my naggin.

    i m a out going person who seldom stay at home . but he is the type that likes to stay at home . so i different. ( had been less since i know him cos he also getting old la)

    cutepinkelephant-

    thks . before marriage i had my arrguments with him to to let him open up . talk to him from work to friends to family members but turns out only me doing the talking. tot many of that will motived him to talk too. but after now 6 yrs already n this seems worst then before.

    Ahjane

    the lady's husband don know my hubby well to sent him all those emails la. i had check all the spam n sent mail too he too sent to that 2 lady only. me very seldom. i think from mar 08 till now only 3 email forwarded to me n others mainly to her too. oh ya. i check the address book too. only 4 of us. ME, My si n that 2 ladies.

    cantona7

    read my books n online that we have to give space to each other , but for this case email n phone calls whom not ans also consider space n privacy? i can always get someone to call me at night but he seems no reaction ( sleeping away )

  16. Posted

    please NOOO...

    dont confront that lady!!!!! u will look stupid if u looking for that lady.....actually this is ur problem and ur husband no need to involved3rd person. u will be moore shame and ur husband too to let other people know that ur marriage in problem. and u angry bec they foward email to ur husband u will be a joke for them.

    actually the key is we needd to take care our face and our hubby face

    may i know before married do u hv a good communication with him?

    all along he is a quiet man who like to keep things to himself. i didn ask much from him too. only now that we stay together that i start to pick out all this. is it normal?

  17. Posted

    yest manange to get his email add. just get som excuses that i need his email to access some web to log in. After tuck n war that he no reason but to give in a very "not satified" manner. n i realise there is this lady who will email her eveyday!!!!!!! actually there is this 2 lady who list is all tru out the 45 mails!!! 1 one of them is someone i know..... do i tell her off??? tought wasn't the wriiten email but a forwarded email , but the contents are all BODY PAINTINGs, VIDEO CLIP OF NAKED LADIES!!!!! how??????? after i saw it , i was so angry and just get my things done n head to bed.

    Try talking to him but he just didn't reply, i only end my conversation saying that " for the whole nite that i am talking to u just like i am talking to a ghost n no reply.!" n i sleep! i hate it. i wanna confront that lady but she is his insurance agent n she will defianately tell him! what shall i do??????????

  18. Posted

    maybe at the mean time..suggest leave him alone for awhile to settle whatever personal issues he MAY have with work or frens or watever...continue ur observation....but set a time frame ba....

    pretend to ignore and do your own ting...

    sigh......wat prob so big...cannot discuss leh...

    time frame?? how long?

    hmm...maybe it's really just work issues that he doesn't feel like talking about?

    or he's still not ready to talk?? some ppl need alot of coaxing...

    [/qutalk to u tonight

  19. Posted

    when i sms him these days , either no reply or very late then reply. when i called he is either driving or talking to ppl that not free to talk to me....

    thats why...since he not toking yet...find more info from other sources....before narrowing down the possibilities...

    bank statment -- don have (his company take cash.)

    he dun have personal saving account? credit card not at new places...why? where is it? parent house? go there to look?

    his parents & siblings notice anything?

    got personal acc. i check a few times but no much details only withdrew money.

    credit card statement still not change new add. at parents place. go there look? dont know when it will sent la.

    he seldom talk to parents ... only Yes mummy , yes daddy.

    siblings? they came to me n ask me instead.

  20. Posted

    Have u tried really sitting down and addressing the issue? Sometimes scream, shout and acting paranoid will only make matters worse....have a good talk-through..let him understand that you are willing to share his burden if there is any problem...some ppl need a bit of coaxing to talk...so be patient with him....do not make accusations before finding out the truth....:)

    but how to talk to him nicely when he is not listening and presume that everything is fine . nothing is wrong w him.

  21. Posted

    hmm...check other sources....close frens...siblings...best frens...bank statement..credit card statements....

    does he bring hp to toilet? spend long time with hp in toilet?

    either money..or women...

    close frens -- not many

    best frens -- don have

    bank statment -- don have (his company take cash.)

    credit cards -- not at this new house...

    not many times that he bring phone to toilet. spend time in toilet ? nvr take time.

  22. Posted

    Have you sat down and have a good talk with him? THis has been said to death but marriage needs a two way communication....clearing the air is better than speculation :)

    Next time his phone rings, just peep and see who's calling? At least you aren't answering his calls....

    talked , cried, scream, cold shoulders ... all tried .. nothing helps. i peeped... but its numbers only no names.. how to know who. i even copied the no. n see if this no appears always. but seems a few times a few days then another no. keeps appearing. for night peep, can't cos i did wear my glasses when sleeping. sigh

    i presume his is husband or at least husband to be...he is the best person to ask. tell him how u feel, if got prob...try to resolve...maybe he own pple money?

    that is wat i ask him too when he doesn't wan to ans.

    if he dun wan to answer the calls, why dun he off the phone before sleep....or switch to silent mode....

    if he wanna hide something...he will off the phone or put to silent mode.

    he switch to slient mode... but in the middle of the night e vibrat is loud ..sigh

    since he let it ring..and even disturb u...means he not really 'hiding' yet not so forthcoming with his prob...

    could be the prob affect him only.....

    so many if and imaginary answer.....ask him

    asked but no outcome

  24. Posted

    Aiyah.. he got tons of $ invested in US market, and dealer call him tell him investments not ok lor..

    :bleah: i don believe

    did he explain the 'disturbance' in the middle of the night? Was it a norm for him but abnormal for u?

    he didn't ... i sometime stays at his place over the weekend. but no calls? only weekdays?? so odd.... oh this someone knows that i don go over for bed?

    Night phonecalls from who for what purpose?

    How did behaviour change, eg from talkative to quiet, from happy to moody, vice versa, etc?

    Need more details, pls.

    he is a very quiet man as what i have know him .

    there is many times that his phone rings n he just don wanna to ans ( see n leave ringing) . even ask me not to ans his call!!! sigh...

  25. Posted

    hmm..perhaps you might want to describe his behaviour before and after the phone rings???

    thks for the prompt reply... he use to be very tame n quiet but now he blow up very easily on little things that i told him. everytime i ask him he just say he is tired.... for the phone rings is that his phone rings in the middle of the night n when i ask him , he just say that its " NOBODY". stupid reason rite...

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