2708soul

it has been a long time since i log in here. I read with amusement on how this tread has 'evolved' into. hahaha. interesting. Thanks to those who send me PM. I am good. Before my AD, i told A that I don't love him anymore (risking the fact that he will kill me), will he still want to go through this with me? His reply to me:" so what? alot of couples are like that anyway. You think i will let you go by saying that?" so, we are married. So far I have peaceful days. Not working anymore as he don't allow me, worried i will meet up with others guys. He packed my days with activities, and i try not to think too much. His idiotic sister follow me day in day out, says she scare i am bored. WTF, more like spying me. Anyway, i cant be bothered about it now. Give me money i spend. My parents are happy, everyone is happy, that's the best. As long as dont hit me, bother me, nag at me, just let me have my little world to myself at times, i will be grateful. oh as for B, i never contact him anymore. Hope he will have all the good blessings.

Hi i am good. Thanks. Just sharing a domestic violence article. Of course, A is not a violent guy, if not it would have given me a good reason to leave him. He will just hurt himself, like bang himself onto the wall. Break his wrist by smashing his fist onto the concrete.... Although he never lay his hands on me, i feel is traumatized enough, i was terrified. You know, i lost sleep for days and felt so terrified 2 years back thinking how to tell him that i want to leave him. I dont even dare to say the word 'breakup', i vaguely told him that i need a break from the rs and hope he will allow me. I thought it was strange of him to say he will let me go. ha... i thought i was finally free then. Turn out, he locked himself at home, his parents thought he would kill himself. Thats why, his parents plead me to stay. My parents were so upset with me. And i couldnt bear to see him hurt himself this way. Both parents never see this side of him before, i couldnt blame them for thinking that it is because of me initiating the break up that caused him to behave this way. I know he has a problem, and only when i am with him, he will be normal.

Domestic violence I was once told - no matter how much you love this man, no matter how much he may love you, but if ever he lifts a hand and hits you... he's not worth it....I do not think this is easy... but I guess it is true... I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today, and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.

haha... you are funny. If i can, i wont land in this state now. Instead of letting me go, i think he will jump from the building. Maybe bring me with him. He told me before, i am his everything. Without me, he will kill himself. And i believe him. It is a sickening love. It makes me nauseous. Tried killing myself before when i was 21, but god wont take me. I wont do it anymore, not to worry people. Just have to face it. Anyway, it is not as bad as it sounds. At least I am still fortunate as compared to some beings at the other side of the globe. On the surface, people think i am beautiful, have a great husband and good family upbringing. Whats more can i ask for. I need to be contended. I am very free today as i am on leave. My parents and A dont know about it. So happy to be surfing net and drinking tea at a beautiful cafeteria now.

Thanks Linda. you are right. As i said earlier, no one can help me. Even i cant help myself. I see B is not to rekindle love. Is not possible. I know my position very well. I just feel bad to say goodbye to him over phone 2 years back. I always feel is a coward thing to say break up over phone or sms. I had no choice then. After seeing him, though is heart breaking, at least i had the chance to tell him sorry that i had to leave him in such an abrupt way. Anyway, I had my photo shot last week. Smiling all the way. I think i can be a good actress. Disgusted with myself. But who cares about my feelings anyway. Maybe one day i will mold myself into the character and i wont feel pain anymore.

my parents always tell me to reflect on myself. like what u said, if A mistreat me i think they will say, look inside u and reflect, what have u done to cause him to do this. Look, u think B will stand by u? See, even after all these, A still love u and want to take care of u for life, what more do u ask for as a man? U think u love B, u have been with A for so long, if that is not love what is that? Can u still find another guy like A? His parents love u and dote on you, can u bear to hurt them? Both of u receive the same education, have same interests, same religion, both parents get along so well, can u find another person with all these factors? A never did anything wrong to u, he is faithful to u, how can u do this to him? Have u not heard of ning4 yuan4 ren2 fu4 wo3, bu4 yuan4 wo3 fu4 ren2? In what way is B better than A? B appears in your life is to test your love to A, dont be blind, it is only an illusion. Ya ya. All of them are right. They are good parents and A is a good man. And B in their eyes is the bad guy. I am being misled. In the end i give up fighting. I choose to believe them. How can i rebuke? Before trial i have already lose the case.... no supporters, no evidence. Just having B alone, can i survive through? B is sweet enough to tell me that he has chosen to be in my life, he will not be bother with all the accusation or finger pointing from my parents and friends or even threats from A. The decision is mine. He leave the choice to me. i chicken out, the pressure is really too much to bear. I can only blame myself and no one else. What is the point of saying so much now right... my purpose is just to let out since i cant talk to anyone at all. talk to my dog he also walk away. haha. i just worried i will go crazy. I dont want to. i read the newspaper, many people jumped due to mental distress. i dont want to be the next. haha Happy thing is i met up with B just now. As before, he is still e jovial type. Told me a funny joke. Talked about our dogs, spider man3, and nothing great. But to me is a great 20 min. i think i am sane when im with him. At least i think i am back to my cheerful self, happily chatting. Towards the end, i asked him, if A or my parents see us now, do u think they will say we are an adultery couple... hahaha. He give me a hug, and my tears just dropped. Of cos, i never let him see it. What is the point right... made him think i am happy and blessed so that he can move on with his life is better. dear pple, i am really really so sad so sad... after seeing him, i am typing all these... i just cant control but sob. i am so pathetic. can only sob in front of my laptop in the middle of the night. **** me.

i am a catholic. We have been together for 10 years. Both our parents are very close. As i mentioned, we went separate ways for a short period, i initiated it. I told him i can't carry on like this anymore. I told him very frankly that i had fallen in love with another person. I know i am wrong. I should not have done that since i am with him for 10 years. If i can control my heart i would. He agreed to let me go initially. then things go haywire. He broke down. he looks strong but he is not. He nearly mental breakdown. His parents begged me to go back to him. My friends said i am a disgrace, a loose woman. they said is god's will that bring us together. I should never have the thought of leaving him. My parents nearly disown me. I know it sounds drama. I hope it is just a drama and not reality. I know i can't run away. I also can't bear to see him in that state. So one day, i just called B and told him I am sorry to cause him distress and i can never be with him. I wanted to see him face to face but i could not. A was outside the room waiting for me to say it. Both of us weep over the phone and said good bye. He said he will never come and look for me, he wants my life to be peaceful like before, and wish me well. It hurts a lot. I was like a zombie. Takes a lot of will to eat and pretend everything is normal. I think this is e best for all of us. Half a year later, both parents asked us to get married. I told my dad we will rom first and customary later. So drag until this year. You know, i am never involved in the ROM. The families arrange the venue, the Pastor, the wedding rings, the caterer, the decoration... everything. I think A is very happy when we rom, i think i am too. After Rom, my parents never bother me anymore. Also, A never pry on me as often as before. After B incident, he is very insecure. He will see my sms and call up my friends. But actually he did not have to. I never went out with anyone, even a friend after the incident. I do not blame him, his insecurity is caused by me. After the rom, i feel i have a little more space to myself. At least i can still stay at my parents' place before the AD. I do not know what kind of marriage is this. If this is god's will like what the friend said. so be it.

Thanks all for your kind advice. as said, end of the day I will have to face it myself no matter what. I told B before, you appear in my life a little too late. Guess i just have to accept it. I know I will be happier with him, not because he is some fantasy in my head. Somehow it is just the instinct. Do not know how to describe it. Alot of 'if' comes into my head... If only i have not married A... If only i know what i want.... if only i am stronger... if only i have the courage to make my own decision.... I know there is no point saying 'if' now. Life still goes on.

Feel very congested in heart so just want to let out here. Had my rom 2 years ago, actual day is coming soon. But the feeling of lost getting stronger n stronger as the AD approaches. My story goes here.... Due to some character difference 2 years ago, we went separate ways for a short period, and at the same time i fall in love with another guy, shall call him B. However, maybe has been together with A for so many years, when he asked me back i went back to him.... and we rom as a matter of fact. I do not know whether it is out of commitment, responsibility or that both of our families asked us to or is it because i really love him and want to spend my life with him. It had been two years since I last saw B, I tot time will slowly heal the heart ache of leaving him for A. I tot once i got married to A, my heart will settle down. Marriage is sealed, heart should only contain A only. As much as i tried, B still linger in my mind. When i heard e song, i will think of him, when i went to this place i will think of him.... I went for counseling alone when i feel i just cant contain myself anymore. Slowly i tot things getting better. i tot i can start loving A as before. Then one day i saw B, he is still like before. But i am not anymore. I keep remind myself that i am married. in another few months is our customary and I should be committed to my husband only. This is the rational side of me. On the other hand, i hope i can throw away everything, people's judgement, responsibilities, morale... anything and just be with B. But i know i cant do that. I would let my family down. Since the day i saw him, my heart is stirred once more. I have cheated myself. I keep counting down the days to my AD, i am very fearful. I really do not know what to do. What is happening to my life... Why i cant be just like any other happy brides, happily looking forward for the day? Did i make the wrong decision to go back to A... and even agree to register for marriage just because he afraid i will go back to B. Even if so, is too late now. Divorce is never a choice i want to make. What should i do................. Feel like getting car knocked down n died on e spot. This is e coward side of me to face the issue.