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BlackBird

When You Divorce Me

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well, i happen to read this thread.

juz like to share with you guz that out of 3 couples, 1 couple is surounding divorce actions, 1 couple is having problems in marriage and those couples who are having problems do not actually tell anyone or make it known as we are still conservative asians with conservative thinkings that such things are best keep under covers.

well, 2 persons come to fall in love with each other as they only see each other's good. both will keep yearning to be together, to be married to each other, to hold each other forever, to love the person forever... but hv anyone actually ask why when both married and live together, quarrels, disagreements, squabbles, unhappiness and many other unpleasant things start to happen?

this is coz we each hv an ideal idea or stereotype that we want our partners to become, eg. we want them to be able to help out in hsehold chores, hv alot of common sense in wat can be done and wat can't be done, expect them to able be that perfect someone who can perform anything ideally and correctly.

and when the partner can't do it, falls out of our expected ideal partner type, we start to argue with each others. unhappiness starts to arise and in days to come, problems start to look like small snowball being rolled into a big snowball, uncooked food turn to cooked food, and love starts to feel like water starts to boil and evaporated into the air into nothing suddenly.

well, no matter how one ages, you hv to treat each other like kids. kids learn something everyday and of coz also commit mistakes and err in judgement. take for example, your kid spill a cup of milk on your fabric sofa, which is so hard to clean and may even leaves an ugly mark and smells. one normally gets frustrated and our 1st instinct is to scold the culprit, but hv you ever think that such confrontation leaves a mark in the kid's learning experience and may be hurt in someway. the spilled milk can be cleaned, so wat if the sofa can't be cleaned, the main thing is to teach the kid to becareful not to hurt himself and be more careful in handing breakable cups and spillable liquid. adults are the same, no one like to be scolded, confronted or being blamed for something they had did. if one can think that no other things are more impt than preserving both love for each other, other things like respect etc. will come naturally. all people, including you and me, like being pampered.

basically, when we live together we start to judge each other on things that our partners are able to perform, and this tend to be the start of the pickings. and also we start to see each other 24hrs in our truest form and this may not match wat we thought they are. even the smallest things will set both to quarrels.

if you find there is a real serious problem in your relationship, look for counselling. although many will say its kinda stupid and silly telling strangers abt your problems and you would also think wat will they know abt the pain you went through, you are right. nobody can understand your pain, but they are able to tell you their life story and experiences and that is where we can pick up tips on how to better solve your problems.

life is full of happiness, sadness, ups, downs and problems. and this is life. if without this, this is not life at all. :P

 

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