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EMacP

Is This An Act Of Selfishness?

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Today, I have a row with my dad. I wish you all hear my story and give me you wise advice and thoughts on this. My dad is already reaching 63yrs old. Have not been married for last 4yrs since my mom past away. However after 6mths of my mom death, my dad has been contemplating to get married (part is due from persuasion/recommendatin of frenz and himself), with reason of companionship. Initially I was unagreeable to him getting married but thinking again, he may need to have a someone by his side since I am not always there to be around him.

Few days ago, someone recommend him this woman, 45yrs old divorce. However, I told him that if he want to get married, he must plan to get his own place. He need to start a new cycle of marriage life. I told him he cannot stay with me. For your info, I am not married. I bought this house for my future and also if my dad intend to be alone, he will stay with me and I will take care of him till he dies. But now he has the intention of marrying, so rules has change. I told him calmly abt how I feel on this matter and that cause him outrage and he said I have a bad heart and I am the selfish, cannot compromi that I don't allowed him to stay with me after his marriage with his new wife. His argument that his frenz told him that eventhough he has a daughter, she cannot always be with him to take care of him. It will be different having a wife who can take care of all his needs and when he sick, she can take care of him.

Do you think I am selfish? I felt that my dad is. For your info, another 1-2yrs he have to go for dialysis. I am myself is diagnose with kidney problem and on daily medication. My mom died of kidney failure. Don't you think this is a burden for me? :(:(

If anyone of you out there have this experience with your dad, hope you can share with me how you cope with this nonsense.

Edited by EMacP
 

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Hmm..then last time where your dad stay?

He sold his own home?

Assuming he got no CPF or cash to buy a house, it seems heartless to tell him get his own house. At his age, think he juz need companionship and to take care of him. Your new step mother can help take care of the house too.

 

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Today, I have a row with my dad. I wish you all hear my story and give me you wise advice and thoughts on this. My dad is already reaching 63yrs old. Have not been married for last 4yrs since my mom past away. However after 6mths of my mom death, my dad has been contemplating to get married (part is due from persuasion/recommendatin of frenz and himself), with reason of companionship. Initially I was unagreeable to him getting married but thinking again, he may need to have a someone by his side since I am not always there to be around him.

Few days ago, someone recommend him this woman, 45yrs old divorce. However, I told him that if he want to get married, he must plan to get his own place. He need to start a new cycle of marriage life. I told him he cannot stay with me. For your info, I am not married. I bought this house for my future and also if my dad intend to be alone, he will stay with me and I will take care of him till he dies. But now he has the intention of marrying, so rules has change. I told him calmly abt how I feel on this matter and that cause him outrage and he said I have a bad heart and I am the selfish, cannot compromi that I don't allowed him to stay with me after his marriage with his new wife. His argument that his frenz told him that eventhough he has a daughter, she cannot always be with him to take care of him.It will be different having a wife who can take care of all his needs and when he sick, she can take care of him.

Do you think I am selfish? I felt that my dad is. For your info, another 1-2yrs he have to go for dialysis. I am myself is diagnose with kidney problem and on daily medication. My mom died of kidney failure. Don't you think this is a burden for me? :(:(

If anyone of you out there have this experience with your dad, hope you can share with me how you cope with this nonsense.

he himself already say that you won't take care of him

so your asking him to shift out is natural isn't it? :dunno: :dunno:

i don't have such experience but he himself has laid the grounds for you

just tell him that since he is taking a wife to take care of him, then his wife should provide him lodging loh :notti:

Edited by applefreak
 

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2 women in same household is not peaceful, especially if not mother and daughter relationship. Avoid this outcome.

It is perfectly acceptable for u to seek own happiness, own lovenest. No need feel guilty. You dad had his time when he was younger, now is your turn.

I suspect dad worries is that.. he fear u throwing him out, wad if relationship dun work out.. he will be lonely, and no place to stay. Try to address these concerns, like propose alternative living arrangements.

Old ppl.. cannot be reasoned with. Whatever good idea u come out.. they will always think they eat more salt than u.. and that whatever best solution u propose.. they think is from a "never walk jiang hu" person. Bear this in mind, when u try to analyse their thots.

 

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i don't feel that you are wrong but must say in a tactful manner as this issue is sensitive.

u r not obliged to take care of the other woman mah n if they are fit enough to get married, they should start a life themselves n move out.

n yes, it shouldn't be ur burden.

hope all turn out well for u! =)

 

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I dun understand how come if your dad is alone then you can let him stay, but if he gets married then he cannot stay? Since both of you already got kidney problems with or without the new wife, I don't think that is the problem, right? Are you worried about the relationship, need to support his wife also, etc?

Money can be settled, perhaps ask your dad or his wife to share your utilities, cook/buy food, etc. Relationship-wise, have to try mah. After all its family. Qualify with your dad from beginning, say that if try staying together cannot work then he got to move. If you chase them out without even trying, things might even be more sour, then you next time totally no need to see your dad liao.

Do also think about your dad; does he have anywhere to go? At 63 if he is not already working, I don't think he can find a decent job now. Can the wife support him then? If they cannot survive on their own and you insist that they move if they marry, then isn't it the same as not allowing your dad to marry? Unless your dad wants love dowan bread...

 

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that woman has a home? since ur father is assumingly not working..and you are assumingly supporting him...

he still has the means to get married and support a wife?

that woman is being supported by her own children? if so, they should continue to support....should have no financial issue ba.

if they think they no longer need to support since their mother remarry.....then ask your father go over there to stay ba...and do like wise.....

everything stay the same...instead of that lady transporting everyday to your home....as a guest...she move over to stay...but her family member should still continue to support her also...

or else what she eat at your house???

 

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