Damsel In Distress?

[Behold 1]

The Case:

24 years ago, a couple got married in Johor Bahru – got Malaysian Marriage Certificate only. Female being a Singaporean, Male being a Malaysian who once held work permit in Singapore. Male cannot married in Singapore because ever held work permit before in Singapore and PR got rejected.

They now have 2 Singapore Citizen children, one girl age 19 and one boy age 22. The mother of the 2 children is the breadwinner of the family with higher and consistent salary.

This family resides in Singapore. But the wife and both children have been living in utter misery and sadness because ...

The father has a violent, possessive and petty temperament and often suggest to fight physically.

Whenever there is a dispute or disagreement, he slams and smashes things in the house and almost physically beat up the wife (he can’t because the children is big (age and size) enough to protect the mother).

Last year September 2009, the father was officially diagnosed with Stage 3 Nose Cancer.

Despite the fact that the husband’s monthly contribution has been barely sufficient for the family and inconsistent (because he works only 6 to 8 months in a year), the wife all along having to bear responsibility and burden of the home loan and all children related expenses solely on her own insisted that he should seek immediate medical attention. He underwent chemotherapy and radiotherapy at Mount Elizabeth Hospital.

Why Mount Elizabeth? Because he is not local, does not have CPF. At Mount Elizabeth, treatment is immediate and he needs not travel to and fro Singapore – Johor Bahru. Having completed all treatments successfully, the doctors certified that he is now coping very well and is close to the pink of health. The wife spent around $70,000+/- on his treatments.

The family strongly felt and thought that after this ordeal in his life, his character and behaviour would change for the better... but they were disappointedly proved wrong. His character and behaviour got worse. The wife and both children can no longer tolerate his nonsense.

Questions:

1) Can divorce? The husband surely will not agree and will turn physical and attack every family member. What can be done to get rid off him?

2) How to ensure that he does not harass the wife and children after the divorce? (The wife and children do not want to see him.)

3) What will happen to all assets?? (not much but the wife bought insurance policies for both children using her AWS and her own CPF, some savings (not much less than $7k each) which the wife has been saving up for the children since young for education and rainy days)

4) What will happen to the one and only property which the family is now living in (considering the fact that right from the start the wife has been the only one paying for the house loan through her CPF and servicing the bank loan)?

5) Will the Singapore Citizenship of both children be affected?

6) Any other implications?

Thank you so much for taking time out to read this lengthy post... can any kind samitarian/soul please advice on this matter as it will certainly salvage and bring new hope to the lives of this unfortunate family.

[chronograph 0]

Questions:

1) Can divorce? The husband surely will not agree and will turn physical and attack every family member. What can be done to get rid off him?

This kind of husband should divorce him right away. Any history of physical abuse reported, if yes it will be easy to get a home protection order against the husband. Otherwise must prove the abusive behavior of husband.

The husband is also the owner of the house so asking him to leave will be a problem, the only way is for the wife & children to move out.

2) How to ensure that he does not harass the wife and children after the divorce? (The wife and children do not want to see him.)

Can get a restriction order but it will be difficult cos need to prove that the husband is a threat to the wife and children.

Make yourself invisible, sell your house, change phone number etc. If children still schooling, then it will be a troublesome to change school.

3) What will happen to all assets?? (not much but the wife bought insurance policies for both children using her AWS and her own CPF, some savings (not much less than $7k each) which the wife has been saving up for the children since young for education and rainy days)

What u mentioned should not be a problem. Singapore law protects women more in divorce case unless proven otherwise it is wife's fault. But still better to speak to a lawyer.

4) What will happen to the one and only property which the family is now living in (considering the fact that right from the start the wife has been the only one paying for the house loan through her CPF and servicing the bank loan)?

The husband is one of the owner right then he is entitled to his share of the property. The sales proceeds should go back to both CPFs, as for the profit, most likely the majority should go to wife. But still better to speak to a lawyer.

5) Will the Singapore Citizenship of both children be affected?

Born in Singapore with Singapore BC is automatic a Singaporean.

The children are not born in Singapore?

6) Any other implications?

[Behold 1]

Dear chronograph,

Thank you for your reply.

1) No, the husband is not the owner of the house. He has no ownership and no name to the house. He has no Singapore CPF also. He is only an occupant. The wife is the sole owner of the house and the only one making payment to the home loan thru CPF. Meaning to say, in all legal papers pertaining to the house, only the wife's name is in it.

2) The children is of sensible age and old enough. Girl is 19, boy is 22. The wife is not so worried about the husband going to their schools to make trouble... the wife is more worried about the husband tracking them at their new home (in the event, should the wife and children move out elsewhere) and make + cause trouble.

4) The husband is not one of the owner, he is just an occupant who does not earn enough to service the house loan, only the wife is servicing the house loan through CPF. The main concern is: As the couple has a marriage certificate in Malaysia but not in Singapore (because in Singapore, not allowed because the husband is Malaysian and once held work permit in Singapore), will just because there is a marriage certificate, the house must half go to him?

5) Yes, both children born in Singapore.

Question: How to get rid of him legally? Now, he is jobless because no company wants him and he still thinks he is the "king of the house". Held: The wife and children never despised that he is not rich, not contributing enough.. its the husband's domineering, possesive, violent, petty and MCP ways which cause alot of misery to them. Whenever he is not happy with the slightest things, he just slam door, bang things, smash plates, spit on the table, shout and hurl vulgarities etc. The husband is not working yet don't even offer to help out with house chores, hog TV all day long (wife and children don't get to watch TV at all lor), expect food to be ready and served and etc. But he is so free now!! As such, the wife and children conclude that he is a parasite instead of a help.

Headache right?

[chronograph 0]

Dear chronograph,

Thank you for your reply.

1) No, the husband is not the owner of the house. He has no ownership and no name to the house. He has no Singapore CPF also. He is only an occupant. The wife is the sole owner of the house and the only one making payment to the home loan thru CPF. Meaning to say, in all legal papers pertaining to the house, only the wife's name is in it.

That's easy. The sales of the house requires the wife only. Everything goes to the wife. You know, HDB website allows u to change the occupant to the house, just a simple click away and wife can get husband off the list.

4) The husband is not one of the owner, he is just an occupant who does not earn enough to service the house loan, only the wife is servicing the house loan through CPF. The main concern is: As the couple has a marriage certificate in Malaysia but not in Singapore (because in Singapore, not allowed because the husband is Malaysian and once held work permit in Singapore), will just because there is a marriage certificate, the house must half go to him?

Although Malaysia marriage cert is not recognized by Singapore gov, they have after all live & behave like husband & wife for so many years, so should be legal Husband & wife. AS for housing, I think husband will not get anything. Please check with the lawyer.

Can ask wife to check with registrar of marriage what's her status? Is it "Married" or "Single"?

5) Yes, both children born in Singapore.

Question: How to get rid of him legally? Now, he is jobless because no company wants him and he still thinks he is the "king of the house". Held: The wife and children never despised that he is not rich, not contributing enough.. its the husband's domineering, possesive, violent, petty and MCP ways which cause alot of misery to them. Whenever he is not happy with the slightest things, he just slam door, bang things, smash plates, spit on the table, shout and hurl vulgarities etc. The husband is not working yet don't even offer to help out with house chores, hog TV all day long (wife and children don't get to watch TV at all lor), expect food to be ready and served and etc. But he is so free now!! As such, the wife and children conclude that he is a parasite instead of a help.

Headache right?

One way to deal with people like him must go in hard and tough. Get him off the occupant list, change lock and chase him out. It will be a scene, police will come but this is family matter so police can't help.

[bepgof 20]

Must admit that it is quite headache.

1. Legally to cut off with him - actually, I think, as long as in Singapore the "couple" has no legal marriage title, already considered "cut off".

2. Just a suggestion here: Move house quitely without letting him know. Let me share my story:

Many years back, my fil was one kind - clasiscal "die-hard" gambler, odd-job labourer, no cpf, take my wife (when she was ~ 2yr)'s gold to pawn away! Ah long kept visiting....they were staying in 1-room rented flat. MIL was the sole bread feeder. My wife even one time took a chopper from drawer wanted to chop him in a "hot" situation, luckily I was around... anyway, many similar events happened...

In 1993 we got married, did not "invite" him & any single soul from his family side, church solomise, customary dinner followed. We shifted to our new 5-rm flat (years ago already planned for this day) with mil & wife's only younger sister, in Bedok North. My brothers sayed nearby, so just a call away they would arrive......I even asked my brothers to help shifting house, all done within an hour. I even accompied mil to gov's free legal service department to ask about the divoice...(SIL still yound ~ 6 yr old then)

With my "background", I'm not afraid of my FIL. Somehow or rather, he found out our's whereabout and we talked....

Now he is living alone in a 1-room flat under his name & mil's name, in bedok north also.

Situation improved along the years, he visited us, played with grandchildren, hardly any gambling now. He pays his own expenses... Grandchildren already 15 & 11 year old liao...

Edited June 29, 2010 by bepgof

[leechaorui 2]

Dear chronograph,

Thank you for your reply.

1) No, the husband is not the owner of the house. He has no ownership and no name to the house. He has no Singapore CPF also. He is only an occupant. The wife is the sole owner of the house and the only one making payment to the home loan thru CPF. Meaning to say, in all legal papers pertaining to the house, only the wife's name is in it.

2) The children is of sensible age and old enough. Girl is 19, boy is 22. The wife is not so worried about the husband going to their schools to make trouble... the wife is more worried about the husband tracking them at their new home (in the event, should the wife and children move out elsewhere) and make + cause trouble.

4) The husband is not one of the owner, he is just an occupant who does not earn enough to service the house loan, only the wife is servicing the house loan through CPF. The main concern is: As the couple has a marriage certificate in Malaysia but not in Singapore (because in Singapore, not allowed because the husband is Malaysian and once held work permit in Singapore), will just because there is a marriage certificate, the house must half go to him?

5) Yes, both children born in Singapore.

Question: How to get rid of him legally? Now, he is jobless because no company wants him and he still thinks he is the "king of the house". Held: The wife and children never despised that he is not rich, not contributing enough.. its the husband's domineering, possesive, violent, petty and MCP ways which cause alot of misery to them. Whenever he is not happy with the slightest things, he just slam door, bang things, smash plates, spit on the table, shout and hurl vulgarities etc. The husband is not working yet don't even offer to help out with house chores, hog TV all day long (wife and children don't get to watch TV at all lor), expect food to be ready and served and etc. But he is so free now!! As such, the wife and children conclude that he is a parasite instead of a help.

Headache right?

Very Jialat. May be can intro him to a religion and hopefully, he can change for the better.

[Behold 1]

Very Jialat. May be can intro him to a religion and hopefully, he can change for the better.

Haha.. Religion also can't help him He always go to the sacred ground act so holy pray so holy, treat others nice but when there's nobody around, he's full of HOLES aka SATAN.

Anyway, everyday see the wife and children so miserable... is it possible that Singapore Legal Aid lawyers take up this case?

From my understanding, the wife and children just want him to leave safely and in one proper piece (no death and no blood shed).

[Prabs Janarthanan 0]

Actually the wife\children can approach one of the numerous small sized law firms that specialize in Family Law and handle divorces etc. Most of them would be willing to listen and provide preliminary advice, as well as a suitable fee quotation to handle the legal matters.

Based on what I read, it should not be much of a legal problem I think, since legal documents do not really include his name. The laws in Singapore (Women's Charter etc) usually favour the wife.

The problem, if anything, would be a practical problem with regards to his violent and abusive nature. I think the wife and children can obtain a personal protection order etc to restrain the husband from doing anything funny - however, this might necessitate making a police complaint etc. Once again, lawyers handling such messy divorces should be familiar with such cases and should be able to advise.

I would strongly recommend that the wife \ children speak to a law firm immediately and go about this in a formal, proper manner. No law firm will start charging when you walk in - just get the wife to talk to them in detail and then ask for an estimated fee quote. You could get a number of law firms that specialize in such family law cases.

Also note that Legal Aid is for criminal cases and for divorce etc may not be relevant.

[Behold 1]

Actually the wife\children can approach one of the numerous small sized law firms that specialize in Family Law and handle divorces etc. Most of them would be willing to listen and provide preliminary advice, as well as a suitable fee quotation to handle the legal matters.

Based on what I read, it should not be much of a legal problem I think, since legal documents do not really include his name. The laws in Singapore (Women's Charter etc) usually favour the wife.

The problem, if anything, would be a practical problem with regards to his violent and abusive nature. I think the wife and children can obtain a personal protection order etc to restrain the husband from doing anything funny - however, this might necessitate making a police complaint etc. Once again, lawyers handling such messy divorces should be familiar with such cases and should be able to advise.

I would strongly recommend that the wife \ children speak to a law firm immediately and go about this in a formal, proper manner. No law firm will start charging when you walk in - just get the wife to talk to them in detail and then ask for an estimated fee quote. You could get a number of law firms that specialize in such family law cases.

Also note that Legal Aid is for criminal cases and for divorce etc may not be relevant.

Thank you very much lonerwithaboner. Very very clear and good advice.

Talking about law firms that specialize in family law cases, may I trouble you to share please? Yes, I know that there are many in the marketplace.. but the family is looking at "Sure-Win". Do note that the family does not expect or want anything from the husband/father but just wants him to leave them peacefully and not take away anything (house and children's savings) from them.

Thank you lonerwithaboner.

[Prabs Janarthanan 0]

Thank you very much lonerwithaboner. Very very clear and good advice.

Talking about law firms that specialize in family law cases, may I trouble you to share please? Yes, I know that there are many in the marketplace.. but the family is looking at "Sure-Win". Do note that the family does not expect or want anything from the husband/father but just wants him to leave them peacefully and not take away anything (house and children's savings) from them.

Thank you lonerwithaboner.

Hi Behold,

Let me check if any of my friends currently handle this type of work - otherwise will probably send you some names that are fairly popular and well-versed. Will PM you the details in a day or two.

Cheers

[Christopherjames 0]

Hi Folk

I have read your post. I give you an advice what i felt the best appropriate one.

First give him last chance and tell him the situation (analyse) f he does not listen

1)Inspite of cancer being attacked and got treatment from your pocket i feel that you should divorse him.There is no pioint in continuing relationship with him

2) Secondt thing is that as you are in singapore present your case before a good lawyer or counsel and try to take help or suggestion

and follow him

3) There is no need to worry about him regarding harassment as you have been affected by his deeds .Singapore law will take its own course on him.

can anyone live with this kind of person having this sort of attitude i?

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