Spoilt Brat

[clockwork 0]

My husband and friends are spoiling my son !

My 5 yr old son pratically gets anything he wants when he ask for it , thks to my husband & friends !

I'll always end up arguing with my husband about the issue. He's our only child and my husband dotes on him , which it nice but sometimes I find it way too excessive. I always try to instill good values and principals to my son. He will scold me if I scold my son for misbehaving , saying he's just a kid. And I'll explain to him that discipline shd come from a young age , he always says that can wait, and I'm like "wait till he's 18 yrs old ?"

My friends would buy him toys and snacks even when I've told them many times not to. Normally I'll hide them before he sees them and only give it to him when he behaves well.

When I go out with my son alone , he's very well behaved,never asks for toys or what so ever, but when my husband comes along , he'll start crying and whining till my husband gives in coz he knows how to manipulate my husband. My husband always says I'm too strict .

My rule is very easy , when my son behave , do his revisions , clean up his mess , I'll reward him with a snack or game time ( PSB / X box ). Misbehave and warning given more that 3 times means no game time and snacks or maybe get a spank. Yet my husband wld flaunt these rules .

I know my husband means well and that he loves our kid but wahlan..cannot tahan

I'm so afraid my son will be a spoilt brat !

What would you do ?

[TYM 0]

Spare the rod, spoil the kid.

[Homeowner 1]

I agree with your parenting style. But, yah, its tough when parents disagree 'cos the key to discipline is consistency. How about a compromise? Whatever he feels compelled to buy for your son goes into your stash for you to doll out whenever your son is good.

[oonik grl 0]

usually mothers is the "bad guy". so cannot help it. bt i agree with homeowner, stashing the present somewhere when the kid has achieved something in school or helped out with housework will motivate him.

bt also must sit dwn and talk to ur hubby abt disciplining the kid and work out a compromise on both sides. maybe relax u rules a little (or on certain days like weekends) but he must also step up a little.

this is just my less than 2 cents view since i dun have a kid. but i have 2 nephews ! hehehe !

[TPY 0]

usually mothers is the "bad guy". so cannot help it. bt i agree with homeowner, stashing the present somewhere when the kid has achieved something in school or helped out with housework will motivate him.

bt also must sit dwn and talk to ur hubby abt disciplining the kid and work out a compromise on both sides. maybe relax u rules a little (or on certain days like weekends) but he must also step up a little.

this is just my less than 2 cents view since i dun have a kid. but i have 2 nephews ! hehehe !

from a working father point, a day he can interart with his children is only merely 3-4 hours per day after work. Naturally he trys to give in and in-directly resulted in this. ( So am I, intially!).

I do have crashes with my wife before with this, and we try to be empathy. we talk to each other and I took all my AL last year and take care of the child alone with my Wife and Mother in Law go for holiday.

for the first few days is a mess but manage to understand why? and My wife do act like me in another form during this period.

So now, when my wife discliplining, i go and hide,眼不见为净

[TPY 0]

Spare the rod, spoil the kid.

Ya agree. use cane only as the last resort. even Amy today also not emphasis so much on physical and fullfilling orders but groom them to think of the right and wrongs.

I thinks, start of with soft saying, educate with eye contact. If it don't works then firm toneing, servere expression, serious eye contact. Lastly every thing don't work, then use 上方宝剑。 hope by then my wife don't use the 免死金牌

Ps. Oh ya, 上方宝剑 can only used till certain age oh. after that you still need to build up the relationship and groom and guide them.

Edited September 7, 2007 by TPY

[Warrior88 0]

Monkey see monkey do.

Must always do like you preach.

One day, notice my 3 kids screaming at each other.

Mum steps in, scream back " SHUT UP"

I took mum to the side, "What are you doing? aren't you screaming too?"

Parent preach Honesty.

One day, parents discussing at the car park before tearing the carpark coupon,

Mum says "What time", Dad says " 4.15" when the clock inside says "4.00"

Kids behind get confused.

Punishment

Minor - Mum , Major - Dad

Even punishment should be seen by the other siblings.

Rewards

If I says, "Check with Mum" , it means I agree, depends on Mum (vice versa)

If I says, "No", Mum don't challenge me in front of the kids

But we will debate this matter at night.

Basically, lead by example and set one standard.

[shmj 0]

Monkey see monkey do.

Must always do like you preach.

One day, notice my 3 kids screaming at each other.

Mum steps in, scream back " SHUT UP"

I took mum to the side, "What are you doing? aren't you screaming too?"

Parent preach Honesty.

One day, parents discussing at the car park before tearing the carpark coupon,

Mum says "What time", Dad says " 4.15" when the clock inside says "4.00"

Kids behind get confused.

Punishment

Minor - Mum , Major - Dad

Even punishment should be seen by the other siblings.

Rewards

If I says, "Check with Mum" , it means I agree, depends on Mum (vice versa)

If I says, "No", Mum don't challenge me in front of the kids

But we will debate this matter at night.

Basically, lead by example and set one standard.

I totally agree.... My hubby & I have a pact. We do NOT contradict each other in front of our children.

If I am too harsh or wrong - hubby will let me go through the flow. Then when I've cooled down, he will pull me 1 side & tell me but NEVER in front of the kids & Vice versa when I feel that he's too harsh.

We dun want our kids to know / learn how to manipulate us and I know our little girl does try sometimes. We usually find out soon enough as we've learn to check with each other.... so that our words or actions will not contradict the other parent.

End of the day, the parents has to discuss & come out with a parenting style that suits both & stick with it.

Fundamental is never to contradict each other in front of the little kids. They may be young but they are **** smart!

[gendon 0]

I totally agree.... My hubby & I have a pact. We do NOT contradict each other in front of our children.

If I am too harsh or wrong - hubby will let me go through the flow. Then when I've cooled down, he will pull me 1 side & tell me but NEVER in front of the kids & Vice versa when I feel that he's too harsh.

We dun want our kids to know / learn how to manipulate us and I know our little girl does try sometimes. We usually find out soon enough as we've learn to check with each other.... so that our words or actions will not contradict the other parent.

End of the day, the parents has to discuss & come out with a parenting style that suits both & stick with it.

Fundamental is never to contradict each other in front of the little kids. They may be young but they are **** smart!

I agree too, especially abt parents not contradicting each other. Additionally, grandparents too can play a part in helping us learning abt parenting and our own parenting styles. Both my parents and MIL (FIL passed on years ago) do not interfere when me & hubby discipline our son or criticise our parenting style. Bcos me & hubby has discussed at length abt our own family values, traditions, parenting & discipline styles before our son was born.

Edited September 10, 2007 by gendon

[jj2 0]

Hi

Although I'm not a parents yet but however seeing or reading this, I think is quite difficult to groom a child... When I look at my bf's brother, I nearly "fainted" with their family discipline...... They can scold one another "stupid", "i'm more clever than you" or screaming from one room to another...... I understand different family have different discipline........ but how can the child scold their parents "stupid" or "crazy".

I told my bf that his bro lack of manner, m bf will reply me......"he's still a kid". I stunned there....... how can a 15 years old teenage boy still catalogize as "KID"........

His bro really lack of discipline and basic manner...... I wonder would my kids be next time if they are under the hand of my Future parents-in-law....

[gendon 0]

Hi

Although I'm not a parents yet but however seeing or reading this, I think is quite difficult to groom a child... When I look at my bf's brother, I nearly "fainted" with their family discipline...... They can scold one another "stupid", "i'm more clever than you" or screaming from one room to another...... I understand different family have different discipline........ but how can the child scold their parents "stupid" or "crazy".

I told my bf that his bro lack of manner, m bf will reply me......"he's still a kid". I stunned there....... how can a 15 years old teenage boy still catalogize as "KID"........

His bro really lack of discipline and basic manner...... I wonder would my kids be next time if they are under the hand of my Future parents-in-law....

Hee heee...seen that in many households that i've been to before. If name-calling and negative competition is not nipped in the bud, then it most probably will become a norm when others see it as shockingly ill-disciplined or bad manners. It all reflects on the parents, so the onus is on the parents to nurture and guide the children. Difficult or easy to raise a child, it's a personal will really...IMHO

[jj2 0]

Yes, he will not call me jiejie or greet his parents/grandparents when he reach hm.. tt's y my bf's mum always apologise to me when her boy being rude infront of me........

I ever tried not calling them but in the end they will get upset wif me... can I discipline this young chap?

[gendon 0]

Yes, he will not call me jiejie or greet his parents/grandparents when he reach hm.. tt's y my bf's mum always apologise to me when her boy being rude infront of me........

I ever tried not calling them but in the end they will get upset wif me... can I discipline this young chap?

To discipline your bf's 15-yr-old brother is like walking on eggshells leh (something like bending an old bamboo), a bit sensitive matter IMHO, moreover not your family yet.

In this situation, is he also rude to your bf and mom as well? Can he carry out a decent civil conversation with u, other than the greeting part?

Edited September 10, 2007 by gendon

[jj2 0]

To discipline your bf's 15-yr-old brother is like walking on eggshells leh (something like bending an old bamboo), a bit sensitive matter IMHO, moreover not your family yet.

In this situation, is he also rude to your bf and mom as well? Can he carry out a decent civil conversation with u, other than the greeting part?

He will rude to any1 lo.... can image he can talk back to his parents / grandparents and scold them "siao" or Stupid.

For example, there was once tt tis young chap shouted loudly at his dad in a shopping mall, " u siao, u crazy, u stupid.......... I'm more clever than you", " u promise to buy the toy for me if I get into top 10 in class............ nw you sae $500.00 is expensive..........", my future FIL'e eyes turn red and feel embarrassed when other shoppers stopped n looked at us. I wanted to tell his bro off, but my bf pulled me back n tell me off tt this is their family biz....

So can image how "discipline" is this young chap? However, tis young chap will be soon going to work part-time and I hope tt the customer can dill tis "kid" until jialat jilat........ or else nxt time when he enlist to NS, sure he will be mark by the officer.

[clockwork 0]

Normally me & hubby very , very seldom fight. And when we do, it's through SMS ! hahah !

We try to avoid any conflict at home. It's just that he can't stop buying my son toys.

My son is in the Transformers Craze right now, he's got almost the entire collection of Transformers toys . Everyday before I fetch him from his Nursery , I have to hide all those **** toys .