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karen77sg

Sickening Husband

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Ya as i have said in my above earlier posting that alimony can be requested even if no kids, as long as wife can show her contribution to the family (in terms of housework / bills contribution) and that her hb got give her some money/allowance.

Requesting of alimony could actualy drive things futher apart and not a realy constructive views for a married couples.

Imagine this if a man is willing to spend hundreds of dollars and not a $2 fishball noodles, by requesting him to pay up by using authority will that cause more problems in the married life?

I sometime wonders the Ying Yang theory do sometimes helps, if a wife is so harsh and yang in certain times, it may crashed witht he HB which is Yang in nature.

So both have to give in in times, 阴阳调和, 时阳时阴, compensate each other and not crashing and be the same polatiry at the same time. Imagines the Tai Ji only have black and white and no others colors in there. So outsider cannot help in times of such family matters.

Edited by TPY
 

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If the wife believe the hb is having other women outside, she may not hesitate to claim alimony..

However I wonder in the case if the wife earns more than the hb, will alimony be the other way around?

Anyway it is always bad when it comes to such state.. if separation is on peaceful terms, maybe alimony won't be an issue (both parties can talk), the worst is both parties cannot talk liao (refuse to tok to each other).

 

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If the wife believe the hb is having other women outside, she may not hesitate to claim alimony..

However I wonder in the case if the wife earns more than the hb, will alimony be the other way around?

Anyway it is always bad when it comes to such state.. if separation is on peaceful terms, maybe alimony won't be an issue (both parties can talk), the worst is both parties cannot talk liao (refuse to tok to each other).

I thinks a man's ego will stop him from applying the alimony (if there is!). if they have children, the wife would rather gives the money to the children and not to the man. So it is the via versa. The alimony are meant for the needy ones not to the other party for LVs or Diamonds. :furious:

Edited by TPY
 

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man cannot apply alimony

the women's charter is enacted specifically to protect the wife :furious:

even if the wife earns $100k a mth and husband earn nothing, husband not entitled to alimony

matrimonial assets is a separate issue though...

 

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.....and I always end my conversation with "Final decision still lies in u, u gotta make the decision yrself and most impt u must feel comfortable".

I guess tat is the best I can do and I can offer her my help by loking after her doggie during wkdays and help her with hsewk in weekends...

Good to have a good friend to turn to and confide. be a listener, maybe this may helps her a little bit :(

 

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And u noe wat Xave says? He says there is no way he will chg or compromise??????

.

.

.

Bt the problem is Xave refuses to mit up with any of us..as he has moved back to his mum's place.

So there is no way for the counselling part cos he has chosen to run away from reality.

.

.

.

Hmmm....Xave is a guy with lotsa of pride...dun tink he will wan to do tat and judging from his beahviour, he has no wish to salvage the marriage...

I think there had been alot of assumptions on our part but the fact is, if her really hubby doesn't want to be with her, why doesn't he sign the separation letter? At this point, no matter how confident is Jean or you about the hubby's attitude, you are only at most 99% sure that he does not want the marriage. As long as he does not say the word "No", you cannot be 100% sure.

Thus we cannot just assume he doesn't want to pay alimony, want to wait for better price to sell the flat, does not want counselling, or "judging from his behaviour", etc. Even if the wife judge her own hubby this way is unfair, somemore we are outsiders and judging him!

Maybe I am being too optimistic, but the fact that he does not want to sign the papers goes to show that there is still a chance. In order to help your friend, you should try all means to get the counselling done. BTW counselling does not bring the couple together; counselling let the couple understand each other, understand themselves and let them decide if they should stay together. Many couples had actually go on separate ways after counselling, maybe they are very sad, maybe they will hate each other forever, but one thing for sure, there is an ENDING.

Yes it might be very painful for Jean to hear from her hubby's own mouth that he does not love her anymore, but its more impt that she can move on. Forcing the hubby to sign the papers when the answer is not out yet will make her live in doubt forever; many years later, she will always think, "Does he really not love me??". Those of you, during our younger days, who have experience what we call the "silent break-up" will know what I meant - at one point or another until today, you are always wondering what will happen if you had been still together with that guy/gal, maybe she or he still loves you, maybe, maybe...

 

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Good to have a good friend to turn to and confide. be a listener, maybe this may helps her a little bit :(

I guess tat is the only thing I can do and help her watever I can...bt not to anyhow give advices ba...

I also afraid to screw up the whole thing and be label as the bad person!

I think there had been alot of assumptions on our part but the fact is, if her really hubby doesn't want to be with her, why doesn't he sign the separation letter? At this point, no matter how confident is Jean or you about the hubby's attitude, you are only at most 99% sure that he does not want the marriage. As long as he does not say the word "No", you cannot be 100% sure.

Thus we cannot just assume he doesn't want to pay alimony, want to wait for better price to sell the flat, does not want counselling, or "judging from his behaviour", etc. Even if the wife judge her own hubby this way is unfair, somemore we are outsiders and judging him!

Maybe I am being too optimistic, but the fact that he does not want to sign the papers goes to show that there is still a chance. In order to help your friend, you should try all means to get the counselling done. BTW counselling does not bring the couple together; counselling let the couple understand each other, understand themselves and let them decide if they should stay together. Many couples had actually go on separate ways after counselling, maybe they are very sad, maybe they will hate each other forever, but one thing for sure, there is an ENDING.

Yes it might be very painful for Jean to hear from her hubby's own mouth that he does not love her anymore, but its more impt that she can move on. Forcing the hubby to sign the papers when the answer is not out yet will make her live in doubt forever; many years later, she will always think, "Does he really not love me??". Those of you, during our younger days, who have experience what we call the "silent break-up" will know what I meant - at one point or another until today, you are always wondering what will happen if you had been still together with that guy/gal, maybe she or he still loves you, maybe, maybe...

zirhk3355, any good advice how we can get Xave to go counselling?

i also really do not wish them to break up...

 

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zirhk3355, any good advice how we can get Xave to go counselling?

i also really do not wish them to break up...

Maybe Jean can go find a good counsellor first, met up with him/her, and ask for advice on how to get the hubby to come, or maybe the counsellor can talk to the hubby on the phone or pay a house visit to the hubby.

Take the first step and see how things go lor; I really don't have a sure-win advice for you, because going for counselling must be a willing party, he must be talked into it. Only Jean, relatives and/or close friends can help to persuade him to go; what to say, how to persuade, only you all know best.

 

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Maybe Jean can go find a good counsellor first, met up with him/her, and ask for advice on how to get the hubby to come, or maybe the counsellor can talk to the hubby on the phone or pay a house visit to the hubby.

Take the first step and see how things go lor; I really don't have a sure-win advice for you, because going for counselling must be a willing party, he must be talked into it. Only Jean, relatives and/or close friends can help to persuade him to go; what to say, how to persuade, only you all know best.

Okok....tink I will tel Jean abt the counselling thing provided she herself wanted to do so....

Anyone of u hv any counselling centre to recommend?

Sorri for the trouble.

 

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The government link of all family centres are as follows:

MCYS

http://app.mcys.gov.sg/web/serv_dss_main_r...t_region_vm.asp

Fei Yue Community Services

http://www.fycs.org/

Fei Yue has a series of branches.

Another centre:-

TOUCH Counselling & Social Support

Blk 162 Bukit Merah Central

#05-3545 Singapore 150162

Tel: 6317 9988 Fax: 6317 9989

http://www.tcs.org.sg

 

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The government link of all family centres are as follows:

MCYS

http://app.mcys.gov.sg/web/serv_dss_main_r...t_region_vm.asp

Fei Yue Community Services

http://www.fycs.org/

Fei Yue has a series of branches.

Another centre:-

TOUCH Counselling & Social Support

Blk 162 Bukit Merah Central

#05-3545 Singapore 150162

Tel: 6317 9988 Fax: 6317 9989

http://www.tcs.org.sg

Hi Cokelight....

Thanks for the links...hehe...indeed they are very helpful...

Will tel my friend abt it...Xie Xie ni...

 

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