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Favourism In The Family

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Clockwork, I respect u for your courage.

This is my guess....

I do agree with Air.

YOur mother might have doutb on you. Might be she has a high expectation on you when u young.

You know.. when expectation high and fail. It hurt more.

This kind of trust, take time and need both party....

may be she still need some time. How long. No one know.

Just do per ur heart say so....

However, IMO don't give way to her on this

1. ur brother..

2. Son call ur sister as mother. <-- exspecially these. This is really too much.

 

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Well...Where shall I start ?

When I was young, I did well in primary sch. My sis did not. She failed when she was in pri 3 and from extended went to mono then VI ( Now its ITE ).We both went to the same convent sch, the 1st day in pri sch was great, I made many friends. My sis got jealous and told everyone the next day that I had head lice which was true, coz I always play with my neighbour who had head lice.

From that day onwards I seriously had NO FRIENDS till I was in Pri sch. I was basically a loner.

With no friends , I spiral down and repeated my pri 6. I guess my mom was very disappointed.

My sis was in mono and I was a repeat student. I went to the same convent sch in sec sch.

I started mixing with other kids from other schools and started playing truant !

Although I played truant all the time, I always did well in sch and was good in english , literature, malay and esp art. I did what most teen do when they were young. I started smoking ( My sis taught me to smoke ny the way ) Till now my mom doesn't know !

I have tattoos , starting drinking alcohol..... then I did drugs.

I started stealing from my mom to feed my drug habit and eventually I got kicked out of sch on the day on my final exams for the O levels.

I just didn't want to go home to face more taunting like "Im a shameless b**** , whore, good for nothing...ect." Then why can't I be like my sis...and so on

I took drugs to forget the pain and everything else.

Until I met my husband when I was 14 yrs old. At 1st I cldn't care less about his opinion and he was just another boyfriend at that time.Even when I have other bf's , he forgave me.I realise that he trully cared for me when he beg & cried while I was busy preparing for my next hit . He helped me kicked my drug habit at 17 yrs old and I went cold turkey. He wld come visit me at my friend's place where I was staying and always encourage me.

I admit my mistakes and have always regretted the pain & shame I've caused my family. That's why I'm trying to make amends.I wish I could turn back time and undo everything, but I can't.

I really wanna show my family that I have changed for the better but Im at my wits end.

But I'm lucky to have a very supportive husband who accepts me for what I was and has always help keep my morals high. Although he could be a pain in the arse at times, I'll always rememeber the things we've gone thru together.

Sometimes I wonder what wld happen if I hadn't met my husband , I'll probaby be drug addict prostitute, or worse , in prison :yamseng:

So...this is my story :dunno:

i guess you're a malay friend, right. :bleah:

i agreed with the rest of the forummers. probably, you should privately have a good talk with your mum. i'm sure she still loves you. if there isn't love then there isn't hatred liao. love will turn into hatred. have you heard that before? :disturb:

 

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You are very brave to be open about your past. I sincerely salute you.

I guess your mum still hold the opinion that you are still as bad as you were in the past. Why don't you make known your efforts to make amends to her and that you were no longer the person you used to be and that you had turned over a new leaf? I believe she treated you this way because she's still haunted by your past. Have you tried sitting down with her and make her understand?

Once , before we got married , my husband did spoke to my family.

I didn't want to go home, and was staying my husband's sister place.

My husband did tell me no matter what you have to tell them how I feel.

I didn't want to, so my husband when instead...alone.

As he spoke to my family about why I became rebellious and refuse to go home.

My husand gave them just 1 example :

Why is it whenever the family has a meal together, I was NEVER invited to the table and was just left with scraps & leftovers to eat. ? I normally just stay in my room & cry , and I cld hear them laughing and eating and then call me to eat the leftovers and clean up.

My mom blantantly said that I was not a kid anymore and that I was just too sensitive. She said : "you expect me to invite her to the table? She can come out of the room and help herself to the food"

I did that once and they all gave me a cold shoulder and make it known that I was not welcome , so I never join them for meals eversince then.

They ,esp my mom & sis said I have no right to say anything since I was a nobody and have brought shame to the family.And that my husband has no right to say anything as well coz he's just an outsider and just a kid himself.

My husband came back, told me everything and he was appalled, shocked & disgusted at the way my family treated me.

Thats why , in the 1st place, I never wanted him to go, coz I know it's just a waste of time.

And even if I try and talk thing out with my mom now, I know the situation will never change.

Edited by clockwork
 

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Once , before we got married , my husband did spoke to my family.

I didn't want to go home, and was staying my husband's sister place.

My husband did tell me no matter what you have to tell them how I feel.

I didn't want to, so my husband when instead...alone.

As he spoke to my family about why I became rebellious and refuse to go home.

My husand gave them just 1 example :

Why is it whenever the family has a meal together, I was NEVER invited to the table and was just left with scraps & leftovers to eat. ? I normally just stay in my room & cry , and I cld hear them laughing and eating and then call me to eat the leftovers and clean up.

My mom blantantly said that I was not a kid anymore and that I was just too sensitive. She said : "you expect me to invite her to the table? She can come out of the room and help herself to the food"

I did that once and they all gave me a cold shoulder and make it known that I was not welcome , so I never join them for meals eversince then.

They ,esp my mom & sis said I have no right to say anything since I was a nobody and have brought shame to the family.And that my husband has no right to say anything as well coz he's just an outsider and just a kid himself.

My husband came back, told me everything and he was appalled, shocked & disgusted at the way my family treated me.

Thats why , in the 1st place, I never wanted him to go, coz I know it's just a waste of time.

And even if I try and talk thing out with my mom now, I know the situation will never change.

since u already make the move and they give u this reply.

My say is.. forget it....

don't let them affect ur life

 

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Once , before we got married , my husband did spoke to my family.

I didn't want to go home, and was staying my husband's sister place.

My husband did tell me no matter what you have to tell them how I feel.

I didn't want to, so my husband when instead...alone.

As he spoke to my family about why I became rebellious and refuse to go home.

My husand gave them just 1 example :

Why is it whenever the family has a meal together, I was NEVER invited to the table and was just left with scraps & leftovers to eat. ? I normally just stay in my room & cry , and I cld hear them laughing and eating and then call me to eat the leftovers and clean up.

My mom blantantly said that I was not a kid anymore and that I was just too sensitive. She said : "you expect me to invite her to the table? She can come out of the room and help herself to the food"

I did that once and they all gave me a cold shoulder and make it known that I was not welcome , so I never join them for meals eversince then.

They ,esp my mom & sis said I have no right to say anything since I was a nobody and have brought shame to the family.And that my husband has no right to say anything as well coz he's just an outsider and just a kid himself.

My husband came back, told me everything and he was appalled, shocked & disgusted at the way my family treated me.

Thats why , in the 1st place, I never wanted him to go, coz I know it's just a waste of time.

And even if I try and talk thing out with my mom now, I know the situation will never change.

Gosh...since they treated you this way, I dun even think you shd call them your family anymore. U have a family now, just enjoy your life now. Forget abt them. I would think engaging a nanny to take care of your kid is better than letting your so-called mum and sis take care of him and claiming credit for it. I am totally disgusted.

 

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totally agree with therat and air

from what i understand, you have already did everything within your powers and there's nothing anyone can do to change their mind

so just move on and be content with your family now

i salute your husband for doing that for you and it's enough that your husband loves you so much :P :P

 

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If I were u...I tink I couldn't be bothered since I have done so many things...

I will not let them affect my life whatsoever.....dun cal/visit them and dun

associate with them....

Just make yrself contactable in case they need yr help one day...

I am sure yr mum will noe who is the nice person one day when she is sick!

Trust me! This happens to me too...

My mum treats me the worse among 3 of of my silblings....recently she had an op and

she now noes who is the more filial child!

 

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Hi, Clockwork. You have been very blessed with a smart and loving husband and a creative son. You are also very talented.

I think you should not dwell on the painful past anymore.

Start afresh. You have a family now. Your own, to do it right this time. You are a mom. Focus on bringing up your son right with lots of love. Focus on being the best wife possible to your husband. Focus on being the best person for yourself. You owe it to yourself, not to others.

We can't choose our relatives. We can't control what they say and or easily erase what prejudices they have. But, we can try to be civil and keep our visits short and sweet. They are after all your mom and sis.

It takes two hands to clap. If they cannot forgive, frankly..(my apologies if this offends; IMHO only)..there is little you can do. And, I think you should switch your energies more productive and rewarding tasks, like spending quality time with your kid. I think you are already in the right direction here. :)

It is evident that your relatives have different ideas of how to love and bring up a child. It happens in all families, to different degrees.

Accept their toys gratefully. Put the sweets in a container box for desserts (and brush teeth after meals). Explain to your kid about good dental habits and the reason for your stance. Doesn't really matter what others think as long your son understands that it is for his own good.

Good luck and best wishes! :)

Edited by Homeowner
 

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Like what Phantom has said, because of your past, you have become a stronger person now. So you don't need to really care about them anymore. Look forward to your future with your new family.

I too came from a bad family background because I suspect my mum is schizophrenic. I was tortured during my childhood.My mum hit me for no apparent reason when I was a kid and strangled me till I thought my life is ending. She started laughing when my face turn color and accuses me that I take her money which I did cried all the way to God everyday why does the innocent not have justice. (I was brought up in church since young).

Everyday in my childhood was **** especially the hours when I come home from school. Whenever I use the master bedroom toilet, I was accused of stealing. I even caught my mum stole $ from my dad pocket (dad doing business) while he is bathing. When my dad found out his $ missing, my mum would accuse me and give me a very heavy beating for hrs.. till i crawl under the bed the whole night.

Even my primary school teachers saw the cane marks and bruises in school but I was afraid to tell anyone at all because my mum will beat me more. They all assume I was naughty when the teachers spoke to my mum during teachers - parents interaction day because my mum told them the lie that I was super bad kid and I was stealing. Teachers look at me at a different way after that...

I remember i pray to God for Him to take me to Him because I couldn't stand life on earth. I started working part time jobs during Sec 2 just to avoid being at home. But however, all in all, I came out of the child abuse after one day my mum left with my younger sis with no apparent reason and a long battle divorce court case with my dad. (She accuse my dad of abusing her..I think she hit herself badly to show evidence.)

I hated my mum back then but then slowly forgived her and went back to see her..only to be chased out of her flat.

Today, because of the experience of the childhood...any road block that happen to me..I took it like a pinch of salt. I feel I am a stronger person now bless with a good career and a good husband and a happy life.

I think what Phantom said is indeed true, that the bad past will mould you better for the future. Better life, happier times...only if you can look ahead instead of trying the save the past and redeem yourself.

 

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Like what Phantom has said, because of your past, you have become a stronger person now. So you don't need to really care about them anymore. Look forward to your future with your new family.

I too came from a bad family background because I suspect my mum is schizophrenic. I was tortured during my childhood.My mum hit me for no apparent reason when I was a kid and strangled me till I thought my life is ending. She started laughing when my face turn color and accuses me that I take her money which I did cried all the way to God everyday why does the innocent not have justice. (I was brought up in church since young).

Everyday in my childhood was **** especially the hours when I come home from school. Whenever I use the master bedroom toilet, I was accused of stealing. I even caught my mum stole $ from my dad pocket (dad doing business) while he is bathing. When my dad found out his $ missing, my mum would accuse me and give me a very heavy beating for hrs.. till i crawl under the bed the whole night.

Even my primary school teachers saw the cane marks and bruises in school but I was afraid to tell anyone at all because my mum will beat me more. They all assume I was naughty when the teachers spoke to my mum during teachers - parents interaction day because my mum told them the lie that I was super bad kid and I was stealing. Teachers look at me at a different way after that...

I remember i pray to God for Him to take me to Him because I couldn't stand life on earth. I started working part time jobs during Sec 2 just to avoid being at home. But however, all in all, I came out of the child abuse after one day my mum left with my younger sis with no apparent reason and a long battle divorce court case with my dad. (She accuse my dad of abusing her..I think she hit herself badly to show evidence.)

I hated my mum back then but then slowly forgived her and went back to see her..only to be chased out of her flat.

Today, because of the experience of the childhood...any road block that happen to me..I took it like a pinch of salt. I feel I am a stronger person now bless with a good career and a good husband and a happy life.

I think what Phantom said is indeed true, that the bad past will mould you better for the future. Better life, happier times...only if you can look ahead instead of trying the save the past and redeem yourself.

kellyla, my sympathy to u....anyway wat is past is past...glad tat u pick yrself up again and braver than

before... :curse:

U set a very good example for those hving similar situations as u....

Cheers!

 

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The only favourism that I saw and experience is that boys eat only, girls do the cooking, preparing, setting and washing.

This happens in my husband family too. Which sometimes make me ****

 

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