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Favourism In The Family

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My story....

Even since I can remember, my mom has always taken either my sis or bro side in almost everything, that I have become used to it. I even once told my classmates that I was adopted. ( I was in pri sch then )

My mom found out about it and I got a good trashing but never ask me why I said such things.

Ever since then, I was never close to my family. And I am a middle child.

Today, I had a huge fall out with my mom. You see, my younger bro has a habit of stealing. he has no qualms about stealing even from his own siblings .But I've always thought he'll grow out of it when he gets older and more mature.Now at the age of 25, he's still doing it. Many times he'll drop by my house and sleep over and only to find money / items missing the next day. Whenever I question him, he'll just blatently deny it even tho is obvious that he took it as there's no one else in the house.Even then I just let it go . Even my husband's playstation 2 was stolen ! Imagine my embaressment.

A week ago $100 was missing from my cash box which was locked. My bro was there last night.When I was leaving for work the next day, he said he'll leave in the afternoon to go to work. I reluctantly left the house. but forgot to lock my MBR. True enuf, when I get back and checked the cash box, the key looks twisted and the money was missing.$100 might not be a big sum to others , but when you accumulate the amt of money that was stolen over time , it's just frustrating. I sms him to ask if did he take the cash, and if yes, to return it to me. he didn't bother to reply, that to me is a submission of guilt. I then told him that I want the cash back in 1 week time , then he msg me and said he'll transfer the cash in my acct.

So , that means he did steal my money right ?!?!

If not why wld he wanna give it back ?

I told my sis about it and to collect the cash on my behalf and I got the money 3 days ago.

Then today, my mom called and asked me to come over during my lunch break . I asked her why and she just told me to come.

I came over, my bro was sleeping on the couch, my mom woke my sis up. I was rather confuse at that time & wonder what was going on.

Then my mom started scolding me and accuse me of falsely accusing my bro of theft.Why ? bcoz I have a friend staying at my hse temperory while he's looking for another place. hence, my mom was angry at why my bro was accused but not my friend.Accusing me of favouring friends over my own family members.

I calmly told my mom, when I asked my bro about the missing money, he didn't even bother to try to defend himself and by saying he'll transfer the money means that he did steal the money. I didn't threathen , beat , shout or whatever to make him confess.

My bro at that time was "sleeping" beside me. I asked my mom, he's here, ask him.

My mom then said that I was a 'disgrace" becoz I can't even give & take between siblings.

I explain to my mom that, this is not the 1st time he's stolen from me but many times but I'm just too fed up to bring the subject up coz I know he'll deny it ,so whats the point.But this time I just can't take it anymore.I told my mom that Im asking for my money back to teach him the consequenses and hopefully learn from it.My mom then started ranking up the past that I used to steal from her. Although I do admit during my adolescent years as a teen, I was very rebellious and was the black sheep in my entire family,

I have always admited my mistakes and try to make amends to my mom. Ever since then, whatever my bro did, it comes back to me, blaming me for whatever trouble my bro got into and I've taken the blame & hurt to this very day. My mom then said if I don't trust my bro , then she'll tell him not to come over to my place anymore, And I told her maybe that is for the best. My mom then went mental on me and accuse me of forsaking my own bro. Saying what if she's dead , and what will happen to my bro if his own sister won't help him. I told my mom, he's not retarded, stupid , handicapp or mentally challenge , why shd I support him ? If we keep on helping and supporting him, he'll never learn to be an independant & responsible adult.

But what ever I said have always fallen to deaf ears. My sister butted in and said that she also help give my bro money althought she doesnt work( she was crying, why I don't know).

I was like ehh..so what ? Its ur choice wheather to give him money or not. If you do that , then good for you then. Why are you telling me ? To get reconition for you genorisity ?I told off my sister that when you offer something to other pple you don't boast about it to get reconition. Thats just not sincere to me.

After this incident, I left the house feeling really dejected . I was trying to help my bro be responsible and yet I was accused to letting my family down.

There are many other incidents which happen during my life time which my family has let me down time and again. And I have learn to be patient and grow to be a stronger person. I've always thought that becoz I've cause my mom so much heartach when I was a teen, this is the karma I get.

People and friends who have known me over the years have always known me to be the outspoken and very opinionated person. But nobody knows that when It comes to family, I just keep my mouth shut till today, even then, I just say what is nessasary and not say what I really wanna say, becoz In my heart, they are still my family good or bad.

 

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i guess your brother is the youngest in the family? :dancingqueen: usually, the middle child is easily got neglected.

:) probably, your brother is the only son in your family and that's why your mum esp protects/adore him. :(

 

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i guess your brother is the youngest in the family? :dancingqueen: usually, the middle child is easily got neglected.

:) probably, your brother is the only son in your family and that's why your mum esp protects/adore him. :(

yeah, you're right.

My bro is the youngest and the only son.

 

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yeah, you're right.

My bro is the youngest and the only son.

even if your brother isn't the youngest but the oldest, i'm sure your mum will also protect/adore him b'cos he's the only son. your mum has started to spoil him from very young and that's why led him to such a situation now. :dancingqueen:

 

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I don't want to add anything except that in life, obstacles are placed there by god to mould a person for the future.

Take heart that there are still ppl who love you, care for you and will always be there for you.

Don't let negative events steal whatever love and compassion that is left in you.

Cheers!

 

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hi clockwork, dun know what to say

but jia you jia you :)

hopefully your bro will grow up one day, if not then there's nothing much you can do :)

like therat said, make sure he doesn't have your home keys

and btw, your mum doesn't hate you

she just feels that you should be taking care of your bro no matter how insensible he is

 

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Sigh....At times I just wanna run away from it all. Shift house, change numbers and job just to get away from my family.

My bro may be a thief but my older sister is even worse ! She's 32, just 1 year older then me.

But she is the most mutilative and cunning person ever. She's the princess of the house and my mom

listen to her every word. My dad...well...he just mind his own business.sigh...

My sister's story :

Married at age 21, quit her job when she got married.Boasted to everyone that she's gonna get a 5 rm flat & wants my parents to move in with her.4 years later, still staying with my mom, my parents down graded

to a 3 room flat, me & my bro hav to sleep in the living room with no privacy for a few years.

She finally got a 3 room flat ( walk in selection ) and moved out.

My parents then sold their flat after I got married and moved in with my sis. I was very shocked, and ask why are they moving in and where will my bro sleep since its a 3 rm flat.

They normally just ignore my questions.

My mom now works 2 jobs, my dad's still working, my sis's hubby is working and she just sleeps all day.

My mom will cook, clean, do the laundry at home. She order's my mom ard the house and always accuse my mom of making a mess !

I seen how she wld raise her voice at my mom and my mom wld comply. She even keeps my mom bank book. When my mom got her CPF money, I recieved $500, but my sis got a CAR. Not sure what car, but it looks like an SUV. I know my parents pays for most of the house bills coz her hubby doesn't earn much. I earn much more then her hubby !

2 years later I got married and moved out 2 weeks after I got married. Finally, bliss after so long.

I have a feeling my sister resented me becoz she does not have children yet. She's been trying for a baby , and its been 10 yrs.

I got pregnant soon after I got married and when I told my family the good news , she actually cried. Which puzzeled me.

When my son was born, she insisted that my son call her mom NOT aunty. She didn't even bother to ask if i'm ok with it.

I was on the hospital bed and was too tired to argue with her.I thot after I got married & had a son, I thot things might change, That my mom wld finally accept me and be happy for me but it got worse.

I then started noticing that whenever my mom & sis wld go shopping with us, my mom wld loudly say things like, "go to your mommy and your mommy loves you" in public. She was refering to my sis as the mommy. I then know that my mom wants the public to kinda acknowledge that its not my son but my sis. That I was just a by stander.

I was really hurt. My sis babysit my son when I went back to work, I worked part time then coz I was bored staying at home and it was only for 4 1/2 hrs. And my sis and my house was just a few street away.She's jobless, sleep all day , doesn't do much house work, cooks when she feels like it. When I send my son over , normally ard 10.30 am, she's still asleep and she'll make my son sleep as well. But when we go for family gatherings during the festive season, my mom and sis will boast about how well my sis took care of my son, that my sis was the one who thought him to walk, talk, learn ABC and count.

My husband hated it when they do that, saying how can they take credit for what we have done for our son.

And no mater what I did for my son, its never good enough. When my son got sick, it's my fault. My mom wld accuse me of not feeding my son, bcoz she thot my son was too skinny. When I refuse to buy him sweets , she said I was stingy. I just don't want my son's diet to consist of sweets all day long.

My sis and mom wld spoil my son rotton and give him whatever he wants. I have spoken to my mom, and try to reason with her as to not to give in to my son every whim coz he's gonna get used to getting what he wants and I don'want him to end up like my bro.

It got really bad, 1 day, when I wanted to take my son home after work, my son didn't want to follow me. he was 2 yrs old then. he was struggling and crying and wanted to go with my sis. The look on my sis & mom's face says it all. They rush downstairs, snatched my son and my mom said ," see, even ur own son doesn't want you " I calmly told my mom to give back my son, she refuse at 1st, saying my sis cld take better care of him. I finally got my son back, took a cab home and cried all the way back.

Me & hubby finally sent him to a full day child care ctr , just so he cld spend less time with my sis & mom.

And he now actually better behaved & less demanding. My mom & sis still calls or visit and still will try to pawn him with toys and sweets.

At times I do wonder why my mom and sis say or do hurtful thing to me. I may not be perfect but I trying my very best to raise my son with good values and principals.

I used to struggle to prove to my mom that I'm not like what I was before, now I struggle to prove to her that I can be a good mom to my son.

I know my mom & sis can wait for the day when my son is a teen and turn rebellious so they can throw it back to my face.

I just hope that I have bring up my son to the best of my ability and my mom to finally accept me as a good mom & wife ~

Edited by clockwork
 

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have you heard of the phrase 欺善怕恶?

think your sister is jealous of you and your mum doesn't know how to handle you

it's funny how pple who should love us become jealous of us

some just love to compare and always wants to be better :P

as for your mum, maybe you should just stop being nice to her

you've got nothing you need to prove

sometimes we are tempted to take advantage of pple who seems to be trying to 'redeem' themselves

the more you give in to your mum, the more she tries to take from you

i'm not saying you should be mean to your mum, but stop behaving like you owe the whole world because you don't.

these are my personal view and hope it does not offend you in anyway.

if it did, i apologies :yamseng:

 

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i can close 1 eye for favourism.. but ask my son to call other ppl mother. That person is asking for trouble.

Since you have enroll ur son in childcare should be ok.

remember to instruct the childcare centre ONLY u and your husband can fetch the son.

Not even the grandmother or the self-declare mother.

They already treat you until like that.. fight back.

worst to worst, shift house , change telephone number.

Forget abt them.

Remember, NO one should have a key of your home. No One.

 

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i can close 1 eye for favourism.. but ask my son to call other ppl mother. That person is asking for trouble.

Since you have enroll ur son in childcare should be ok.

remember to instruct the childcare centre ONLY u and your husband can fetch the son.

Not even the grandmother or the self-declare mother.

They already treat you until like that.. fight back.

worst to worst, shift house , change telephone number.

Forget abt them.

Remember, NO one should have a key of your home. No One.

I agree with therat. Reading your story makes me :bangwall:

Since your mum treats you this way, u dun have to be nice to her. Asking your son to acknowledge your sis as his mum is far too much :D

 

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humm......did something happen in the past to cause them to react to you this way? becoz u kept saying u wanna prove you are a good mother now..sound like you wanted to redeem yourself...

IMHO, regardless what she did, she don't deserve to had her own son to call someone else mother.

Is not that she disown her son or don't care her son or ill treat her son?

 

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IMHO, regardless what she did, she don't deserve to had her own son to call someone else mother.

Is not that she disown her son or don't care her son or ill treat her son?

after all, all of them are one family. so, whether who has done something wrong and he/she should been forgiven as time goes by. family should not have any hatred against one another. :bow:

Edited by korea
 

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IMHO, regardless what she did, she don't deserve to had her own son to call someone else mother.

Is not that she disown her son or don't care her son or ill treat her son?

Agree!:bow: What kind of a mother ask her grandson to acknowledge someone else as his mum?? This is way too ridiculous...

Your sis can only blame herself for not being "competent" enough to bear a child...with such attitude, i think she deserved it... :bow:

 

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