To Have Or Not To Have?

[TPY 0]

Yup thats why I dun tink women shd be full time housewife unless really no one to take care of kids. Cos the hb will push everything to wife to take care. Then kid will also become v attached to mother (cos 80% he see mum more than dad) and become harder for father to take over too.

Totaly agree! women should not stay at home. In the current society, man and woman holds the same opportunities and equality in stake.

Since women can share the load in bring bread home today, a man could also spend some time effort in the up bringing of child, hand in hand together with his woman. They may adjust their work nature to spend more quality times with the children. Example working from home, half day work style, if permits

If to the extent of no one to take care of the children, either of them can takes turns to take un-paid leave for it.

ranval9, dun worry too much....just concentrate on completing the reno at the moment, do 1 things at a time, step by step...

I tink yr HB is those whom plan everything carefully before taking up more committments. This is good...as he is a good planner...

After most things settled down, then talk to him slowly, perhaps by then his tinking will change...

Stay happi and there will be a solution when u cross the bridge!

Ya, takes things one at a time. But remember, times flies. So if it is the time to have a kids, let's not wait till any further.

Do note, life is just like a moving train. In every stage of life, just like every station stops, we will need to make a decision for it, to board or to continue. If we misses the station, it will never returns.

[karen77sg 0]

Totaly agree! women should not stay at home. In the current society, man and woman holds the same opportunities and equality in stake.

Since women can share the load in bring bread home today, a man could also spend some time effort in the up bringing of child, hand in hand together with his woman. They may adjust their work nature to spend more quality times with the children. Example working from home, half day work style, if permits

If to the extent of no one to take care of the children, either of them can takes turns to take un-paid leave for it.

Ya, takes things one at a time. But remember, times flies. So if it is the time to have a kids, let's not wait till any further.

Do note, life is just like a moving train. In every stage of life, just like every station stops, we will need to make a decision for it, to board or to continue. If we misses the station, it will never returns.

Very true!

[TPY 0]

hmm.. share with you what actually happened ..

when my god daughter was borne , i happily called hubby to inform him of the good news .. suddenly

for no reasons, i beg him for just one child ... he happliy agreed .... i was overjoyed .. like almost floating upwards to the sky....

weeks later, he suddenly drop the bomb of the main reasons why he always so stressd and which why

every night he would grind his teeth. he having nightmares of us and the kid suffering .. no money

for everything we need.... lastly he said that we really can't afford to have any kid , as now we are just able

to manage euff for ourselves ...

from the heaven fell thru into the **** 18 storys down.... all my hopes and happiness gone ...

nothing i do can change his mind, now just concentrate on my reno and giving away my off days for more flights ... to earn my own pocket money.

Come on man, I look with disguise with man saying "so stressd and which why

every night he would grind his teeth. he having nightmares of us and the kid suffering .. no money

for everything we need.... lastly he said that we really can't afford to have any kid , as now we are just able

to manage euff for ourselves ... "

Cannot take stress in life then better don't commit himself in forming up a family. Can only go holiday and enjoy and cannot takes up the responsibilities as a man to upbring a child? Har?

Apology folks, Maybe I am too extreme in this post. But I am hitting it very hard as a man.

"

[yoongf 11]

weeks later, he suddenly drop the bomb of the main reasons why he always so stressd and which why

every night he would grind his teeth. he having nightmares of us and the kid suffering .. no money

for everything we need.... lastly he said that we really can't afford to have any kid , as now we are just able

to manage euff for ourselves ...

I do not believe in doing cost benefit analysis with regards to family expenses.. cos if we strictly follow rationale, we will be using the cheapest HP model, buy the cheapest car etc. There is really no basis to justify the premium for a toyota over a mitsubishi.

Therefore same logic with having kids.. when time time really comes,.. family and frens will help out, so dun worry too much about finances. Ppl have the wonderful ability to do miracles. What is important to note.. is that time cannot turn back. If u envision a kid while u are still young.. then.. mai tu liao.. Just believe in yrself.

[ARCHer 0]

It's been a while since I last visited this board. Though this discussion is not that current, it is certainly interesting enough, so I'll pen my own opinions.

As a father of 1 daughter (and soon to have another addition... gender still unknown yet), I can tell you that nothing beats the joy of going home and seeing your daughter run towards you and hug you. My daughter is just under 16 months old, and she hasn't start to talk yet. But she does know how to say "Daddy" (which makes my wife rather jealous), and the feeling of her calling me daddy and hugging me is one of the nicest emotion.

Yes, it is not easy having a child, much less more than one. My wife and I are still plagued by the occasion night cries of our daughter, and many a times, I walk into the office bleary-eyed and lack of sleep. But the moment I start talking (to my colleagues) about my daughter, you can see the happiness radiating from my face.

Perhaps it was harder for my wife. After much consideration, she decided to quit her job, but not before trying to work part-time from home. It's difficult to juggle having to work and looking after the baby, and we had a prolonged episode of maid problems. Though my wife is not exactly the career-women type, she does miss a lot of her office interactions, which she tried to fill by calling me frequently in the office. Mind you, it is taxing looking after a hyperactive child. People used to say it is easier looking after a daughter than a son, but they probably have not seen my daughter. My mother said that when I was young, I was very hyperactive, but compared to my daughter, my daughter is the master and I'm like several generations behind.

I try to do my part whenever I am home. That means taking the night feed (i.e. the last feed before sleep), and on weekends, all the feed. This not only give my wife some break, but also allows me to bond with my daughter. I always tell people that this is the thing that keep me sane, and gets me through a dreadful work week... looking forward to the weekend.

If anything, I only have one regret... that of not getting married earlier and having a child. I'm over 40 and my daughter is less than 2. I will probably spend my retirement days helping her with her O levels.... as well as the 2nd one with his/her PSLE..... 3rd one? I want, but fear that time is not on my side.

[TPY 0]

It's been a while since I last visited this board. Though this discussion is not that current, it is certainly interesting enough, so I'll pen my own opinions.

As a father of 1 daughter (and soon to have another addition... gender still unknown yet), I can tell you that nothing beats the joy of going home and seeing your daughter run towards you and hug you. My daughter is just under 16 months old, and she hasn't start to talk yet. But she does know how to say "Daddy" (which makes my wife rather jealous), and the feeling of her calling me daddy and hugging me is one of the nicest emotion.

Yes, it is not easy having a child, much less more than one. My wife and I are still plagued by the occasion night cries of our daughter, and many a times, I walk into the office bleary-eyed and lack of sleep. But the moment I start talking (to my colleagues) about my daughter, you can see the happiness radiating from my face.

Perhaps it was harder for my wife. After much consideration, she decided to quit her job, but not before trying to work part-time from home. It's difficult to juggle having to work and looking after the baby, and we had a prolonged episode of maid problems. Though my wife is not exactly the career-women type, she does miss a lot of her office interactions, which she tried to fill by calling me frequently in the office. Mind you, it is taxing looking after a hyperactive child. People used to say it is easier looking after a daughter than a son, but they probably have not seen my daughter. My mother said that when I was young, I was very hyperactive, but compared to my daughter, my daughter is the master and I'm like several generations behind.

I try to do my part whenever I am home. That means taking the night feed (i.e. the last feed before sleep), and on weekends, all the feed. This not only give my wife some break, but also allows me to bond with my daughter. I always tell people that this is the thing that keep me sane, and gets me through a dreadful work week... looking forward to the weekend.

If anything, I only have one regret... that of not getting married earlier and having a child. I'm over 40 and my daughter is less than 2. I will probably spend my retirement days helping her with her O levels.... as well as the 2nd one with his/her PSLE..... 3rd one? I want, but fear that time is not on my side.

Congraluation ArcHer. Just like you as a father of two, I always think a man will only settle down when he has form a nuclear family( A wife,with children).

Imagine a married couples, DINK togethers after some period will tends to be lonely in times.

How many tours can they visit per years and how long can lifestyle of such can continue? I really wonder. I believe sooner one day, going for tour is no longer an excitement after repeated events.

Yes, They may be people saying "I can concentrate on my career" but a complete life is to have a balance of work career, family and personal health.

To me, if you are a CEO and without a children you are no better than a bluecollar worker with a happy family.

A child is a bond between a couple, a gift from the god and a blessing to couples to have and grab it. So do tresure it, if opportunties do comes and not to let it slip by excuses of above.

I am not really a person that after the $, but still I do appreciate the initiatives of the goverment to promote baby bonus. and I do believes a father will be a more responsible man in working circles as they have the commmiment and the drives to keep the family going. Everwonder sometimes peoples do ask you this question during interview "Do you intend to have children"

Edited October 19, 2007 by TPY

[karen77sg 0]

Congraluation ArcHer. Just like you as a father of two, I always think a man will only settle down when he has form a nuclear family( A wife,with children).

Imagine a married couples, DINK togethers after some period will tends to be lonely in times.

How many tours can they visit per years and how long can lifestyle of such can continue? I really wonder. I believe sooner one day, going for tour is no longer an excitement after repeated events.

Yes, They may be people saying "I can concentrate on my career" but a complete life is to have a balance of work career, family and personal health.

To me, if you are a CEO and without a children you are no better than a bluecollar worker with a happy family.

A child is a bond between a couple, a gift from the god and a blessing to couples to have and grab it. So do tresure it, if opportunties do comes and not to let it slip by excuses of above.

I am not really a person that after the $, but still I do appreciate the initiatives of the goverment to promote baby bonus. and I do believes a father will be a more responsible man in working circles as they have the commmiment and the drives to keep the family going. Everwonder sometimes peoples do ask you this question during interview "Do you intend to have children"

Yes, yes...and when the moment I say "YES"...they will hv 2nd thoughts abt employing me....

Tat is for my case...I find tis discriminating leh....

[TPY 0]

Yes, yes...and when the moment I say "YES"...they will hv 2nd thoughts abt employing me....

Tat is for my case...I find tis discriminating leh....

Hmmm.. that is not a family nuture culture of the organization. Even the goverment is promoting the family life and worries of the low babies birth rates. Aware can complain MOM if they are straight front. reject you becoz of this. But normally people won't show and say Bla Bla Bla...... thank you for your application.

My take is, if the org is not supportive of famlily life, then this is not a company we could really work for long. Take this " Who don't have family?"

[karen77sg 0]

Hmmm.. that is not a family nuture culture of the organization. Even the goverment is promoting the family life and worries of the low babies birth rates. Aware can complain MOM if they are straight front. reject you becoz of this. But normally people won't show and say Bla Bla Bla...... thank you for your application.

My take is, if the org is not supportive of famlily life, then this is not a company we could really work for long. Take this " Who don't have family?"

Cos most companies I go are Ang Mohs companies and feel tat their perception towards family is different from us...They treat marriage like a game and can divorce as and when they like...

The agent told me the other time tat I got rejected cos of "got intention to start family"...and I was so pissed off1 Anyway, good to noe before I get in!

[TPY 0]

Cos most companies I go are Ang Mohs companies and feel tat their perception towards family is different from us...They treat marriage like a game and can divorce as and when they like...

The agent told me the other time tat I got rejected cos of "got intention to start family"...and I was so pissed off1 Anyway, good to noe before I get in!

Really pity on your encounter. Every organization have thier culture. Imagine you go for a interview with a tobacco, cigratte company. In the interview you say you are not a smoker and feel smoking is bad for health.

Sure reject lah.BTW can ashare the org that reject you if convinence? OT here apology

[karen77sg 0]

Really pity on your encounter. Every organization have thier culture. Imagine you go for a interview with a tobacco, cigratte company. In the interview you say you are not a smoker and feel smoking is bad for health.

Sure reject lah.BTW can ashare the org that reject you if convinence? OT here apology

Sorri, dun tink ethical for me to do tat....I can oni say it is a German MNC in Tuas area....

[TPY 0]

Sorri, dun tink ethical for me to do tat....I can oni say it is a German MNC in Tuas area....

It is ok. My initiate image of the company is a C.ondom company. If all their staff started to get pregnant and it may not be nice to show the public as their products are not working as per promised... Hee Hee...

Just for fun, such a wonder culture of an organization.

[Cokelight 0]

My company is quite pro-family, many colleagues have children and some even plan for 3 kids.

Local company are more pro-family since higher management are also locals.

[TPY 0]

My company is quite pro-family, many colleagues have children and some even plan for 3 kids.

Local company are more pro-family since higher management are also locals.

Mine is a MNC. Also not bad. No cap in maternity leave. even after 4, can go to as many as 100.

I know some company do offer child care services. So forumner, if you are planning for one and company do have such benefits, do wait no more. Grab the baby bonus....

[Angelwrath 0]

same sentiments with Karen. share wat i had encountered.

when i was switching job after my ROM, i find it harder to land myself with a job with the marital status being "married" as compared to when i was single. i think it's a local prejudice that being married and the intention to start a family, the company will have u going on leaves for your kids or taking maternity leaves when you are pregnant, thus they have to look for a replacement while you are away. ma fan for them. be it local or MNC.

back to the topic, i think we have not really decided to have or not to have. since young i know i will want my own little ones, but as i grow up i feel that i wont be ready for them just yet. Will just let nature take it's own course /shrug