1 Big Family...parents And In-law......together @ 1 Table

[ckoonyin 0]

Hey peeps,

i was wondering if anyone has arranged that during the wedding dinner, instead of the usual Parents @ 1 table and In-Laws at the another table.

Why not let them all sit at 1 big table? Afterall, 1 family liao right?

What do u all think?

[Chunky Monkey 2]

erm .... all along, both sets of parents SHOULD be at the same table with the wedding couple.

[ckoonyin 0]

eh isit? i tot the bridegroom and bride sit @ the guy's side of the table?

[korea 0]

for chinese wedding, usually there'll be 2 VIP tables (one for the bride's family and one for the bridegroom's family). the bride will have to sit with the bridegroom's family. bcos for chinese, woman is considered married into the man's family so she must sit with the man's family.

BUT, nowadays some hotels have offered only one big VIP table where the bride and bridegroom families all sit together. such VIP table can sit 20 people.

however, my hb and i still prefer the so called "traditional sitting" where there're 2 VIP tables. we feel that 20 people sit together at one big VIP table will be very crowded.

[zirhk3355 1]

erm .... all along, both sets of parents SHOULD be at the same table with the wedding couple.

Traditionally, there are two important tables in a chinese wedding, one "Bridal/Host" table and one "VIP" table. Think the name is self-explanatory; the entire banquet was traditionally hosted by the groom's parents and the bride's family are guests. As korea had said, the bride had married into the groom's family, so she becomes a part of the groom's family now and sits at the "Bridal/Host" table. Traditionally speaking, she is no longer a part of her own family anymore, which is why Chinese always say a married daughter is like thrown-out water, cannot get back anymore.

But if the bride's family is respectable, then the groom's family will write a formal 8-fold invitation card (or something like that!!) to invite the bride's family to come for the banquet. Yes, you heard me right - its actually the prerogative of the groom's family to let the bride's family join in, and yes they cannot come if they are not invited. For eg those brides from poor family background, the groom's family might not want to let her family join in.

Well, in today's context, there's no longer such autocracy; in fact sometimes (OKOK, MOST OF THE TIME NOW) the brides' family is more dominant than the groom's! They suddenly have God-given rights to demand for this and that, cuz some smart guy came up with the sob theory that the bride's family actually suffers when bringing up the daughter, so they deserved to be dorminant and demand for more dowry, gifts and such.

For me, well I felt that a marriage is not just a matter between two persons, but between two families; it is also a time where two families become one.

During the selection of wedding venues in 2004, only ritz-carlton have a 20-pax table, but I couldn't afford that, so I painstakingly coordinated with marriott to create a 18-pax one using crescent tables with a hole in the middle, where I put alot of potted plants inside. Think from then on mariott started to sell their banquets with this 'one-vip-table' option alongside with several other hotels as well...

Edited December 26, 2007 by zirhk3355

[korea 0]

its individual preference whether you wish to have one VIP table or two VIP tables. firstly, i guess you got to ask both families whether which idea they prefer.

[ckoonyin 0]

i see! cause we were thinking to have 1 big table for both familes to sit..........didn't know if it was done before.

Thanks for all your info

[zirhk3355 1]

i see! cause we were thinking to have 1 big table for both familes to sit..........didn't know if it was done before.

Thanks for all your info !!

There are alot of venues with such 20-pax table today, alot of couples had done it before liao. You definitely can find a venue to have it.

But its more impt to check if both sets of parents are okay with it, esp bride's family. For eg, during my wedding, my friend actually overheard from my wife's relatives that they find it absurd to have the bride's family sitting with groom's family; reason because they see it as my wife's whole family married into my family!

Sometimes the groom's family will mind also, like my dad was abit concerned that tougues will wag; why?? Because its a form of 'respect' to give the bride's family one whole table; thus to ask them to sit on the same table with us will seemed abit 'niao'.

Yeah sometimes these old folks are really sensitive about superstitions, but they are elderly members after all, got to take note of all these possible views lor...

[Fifi 0]

For me, i have 2 VIP tables.

the one that hubby and i sat with has my PIL and my parents, hubby's godparents and 2 of hubby's aunties.

for the other VIP table, my BIL & sis, my bro and SIL, hubby's uncle & auntie as well as BIL's bro and wife and auntie

quite a messy arrangement

reason why BIL's bro and wife and auntie sits with them is coz they're considered as my relatives since my parents invited them and it's better for them to sit tog with my BIL

for our table, we arranged all the seniors to sit together. eg. if hubby's aunties are not seated there, the next senior will be hubby's uncle & auntie or my bro and SIL

Edited December 26, 2007 by Fifi

[ckoonyin 0]

There are alot of venues with such 20-pax table today, alot of couples had done it before liao. You definitely can find a venue to have it.

But its more impt to check if both sets of parents are okay with it, esp bride's family. For eg, during my wedding, my friend actually overheard from my wife's relatives that they find it absurd to have the bride's family sitting with groom's family; reason because they see it as my wife's whole family married into my family!

Sometimes the groom's family will mind also, like my dad was abit concerned that tougues will wag; why?? Because its a form of 'respect' to give the bride's family one whole table; thus to ask them to sit on the same table with us will seemed abit 'niao'.

Yeah sometimes these old folks are really sensitive about superstitions, but they are elderly members after all, got to take note of all these possible views lor...

Hmmm i never really tot of they see it as my wife's whole family married into my family! this one gotta check liao.

Cuase i tot 1 big family, 1 big table. Hmmm....

[spinball 0]

Hey ckoonyin, I'm also quite puzzled... initially I thought my gf's parents should be siting together with us and my family and the rest of her family members will be siting in the other VIP tables.

But hor, when I asked around... they say that's not the case. One VIP table for us and my family, the other VIP table is for her family.

Hey peeps,

i was wondering if anyone has arranged that during the wedding dinner, instead of the usual Parents @ 1 table and In-Laws at the another table.

Why not let them all sit at 1 big table? Afterall, 1 family liao right?

What do u all think?

[compassvale 0]

We both have small families, hence, even with grandparents included, For us, both our immediate families sat together in one table, nicely fit for 10 people.

We had the option of 2 VIP tables, but we decided that 1 is sufficient (less political also). So we gave up the 2nd VIP table, in exchange for a upgraded floral arrangement for the sole VIP table.

[zirhk3355 1]

Hmmm i never really tot of they see it as my wife's whole family married into my family! this one gotta check liao.

Cuase i tot 1 big family, 1 big table. Hmmm....

There is no right or wrong answer to this; all old wives' tales, up to people to believe and "imagination".

You can't cater to everyone's beliefs mah, so like I said as long as both sets of parents (yours and your wife's) are okay, then dun need to care too much about others lah.

[korea 0]

But hor, when I asked around... they say that's not the case. One VIP table for us and my family, the other VIP table is for her family.

traditionally speaking, this is the correct way.

[candyprincess 0]

actually it depends... some pple say male 1 table, female 1 table. some pple say the bride & groom, both sets of parents and grandparents at 1 vip... adds up to 10pax. jus nice for 1 so called table.

anyway, for our case, my in laws say male 1 table, i sit with them. female 1 table, my parents, granny, siblings.. my parents weren't very happy .. they feel that all elders ie parents n grandparents sit at 1 VIP table with bride & groom...

actually, traditionally, there has always only been 1 Main VIP table... then dont knw how come become 2... Anyway, my parents decided not to "argue" abt it since my in laws insist. and i'm tired of tryin to make everyone but ourselves happy . when my in law told me abt this i was very very very upset... becos i wish to sit with my parents as well.. if not feel so lonely lo... my frns said its okie because wldnt really have the time to sit down... thats the only consolation I guess.. i was thinking i wld go over to my family's table a bit more to talk n sit with them but not nice lor... haiiiiiiiii ...