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I'm On Strike !

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Actually not only doing house chore... I also feel "sick" when my HB asked me to go for holiday... from the time packing the laugge till after the holiday must wash all the dirty clothing ... all done by me... I feel that's no fun at all...

 

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Oh my, you're really one lucky woman.

I always wonder where you people find your husbands at. And how you know that he'll continue to do what he does before marriage, or be even better after marriage.

I only know he know how to make agar agar when I visit his house during CNY

for the red bean/green bean soup.. only know after marry

before marry, I only know he need to mop the floor, swap the floor during Sat morning before he can come out and meet me.....

That's why.. Sat outing also start at 2pm.. :yamseng:

he is quite boring during courtship..

imagine.. call only @ Thur night, less than 5 min.. just to arrange Sat,, what time, where to meet..

That's end of whole week active.

No.. cooking call for 1 hrs 2 hrs..

That's time, I almost want to break off with him liao..

so bore...

then 1 day, he spend 1 mth to handmade a present for me... Then I redraw back the break up idea..

:thumbs up:

 

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If housework chores is always the point of contention, considering outsourcing it and engaging someone to do it. I used to quarrel with the men (my dad and my bro) at home after my mom passed away. I had to work long hours on week days and spent 7 hours doing the housework on Saturdays. The men in my family do not lift a finger to help at all and still complained that I did not scrub their shirt collars clean etc. Hence the new house rule came into effect, each of us is responsible for our own laundry, from washing, hanging and ironing. I outsourced the housework to a weekly cleaner after my bro moved out and have not look back since.

 

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If housework chores is always the point of contention, considering outsourcing it and engaging someone to do it. I used to quarrel with the men (my dad and my bro) at home after my mom passed away. I had to work long hours on week days and spent 7 hours doing the housework on Saturdays. The men in my family do not lift a finger to help at all and still complained that I did not scrub their shirt collars clean etc. Hence the new house rule came into effect, each of us is responsible for our own laundry, from washing, hanging and ironing. I outsourced the housework to a weekly cleaner after my bro moved out and have not look back since.

Unfortunately, my husband does not wish to engage a part-time cleaner either since he can have a free maid.

therat,

I actually looked for a 'boring' man to be my husband because I thought such men are more homely and love their family. But I didn't know that men can be that lazy.

Thanks for sharing your courtship story. Your husband is so cute. Very 'sha hu hu' and sincere.

 

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Unfortunately, my husband does not wish to engage a part-time cleaner either since he can have a free maid.

When I got married and for the first few months, we didn't have a maid, one piece of advice given by my colleagues was most appropriate: if we want to have a good quality of life and have time together as a couple to do couple things, then we should outsource the domestic chores. As an investment banker, I work long hours and weekends were the only free time for me. My wife works (used to... she has quit) as an editor for children books, and often has to bring work home (proof-reading etc.). If we still spend our free time doing domestic chores, we will not have any time for each other. We didn't believe initially, and we found out that we actually ended up being more tired after the weekend because of the work (okay... I live in a big house, but that's not the point). Once, I even broke my wrist while scrubbing the kitchen floor..... something which in hindsight was really pointless.

My wife is one of those who does not believe in having a maid. But like it or not, we have to have one (we have a baby girl now). Yes, outsourcing domestic chores can be costly and often create more problems, but the end result is that we certainly have more time for each other.

 

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Gnm,

You're accurate in observing that men are incorrigible creatures who go back to their old ways after a few days. However, not all men are willing to sit down with you to discuss something that involves work.

It's not helpful either to tell him that I also work in the same line, because he tells you that his workplace is more complicated, more stressful and more work to do.

When I tell him that my friends' husbands help out, and most of them do more than the wives, he says it's because their jobs are more cushy.

He knows that he gets more attention when he helps out, but that doesn't help to make him more hardworking when it comes to housework.

We have agreed on him washing the toilets long time ago and I have resigned to the fact that he's not going to do more work than this, but he still doesn't do it!:sport-smiley-018:

If only he had been honest with me before marriage that he wouldn't lift a finger to help - if only, I would never have married him.

I knew too well that housework is an important part of a marriage - more important than sex if not equally important. It seems trivial, but it's one thing that builds up frustration and leads to quarrels if it's not dealt with.

Oh my, you're really one lucky woman.

I always wonder where you people find your husbands at. And how you know that he'll continue to do what he does before marriage, or be even better after marriage.

I haven't told anyone about this, but 'divorce' has been lingering on my mind these few weeks. I'm really quite tired. Having a husband is like lowering your standard of living but raising the cost of living, and doing more work than ever. I just feel like going back to my mother's place with my kid and not having to do all these chores, and end up quarrelling with him over every little issue again.

Woah~~~! to contemplate divorce over household chores?!?

All the time and effort you invested in this family will go to waste!

And you have a kid, what are you going to tell your child?

"Ma Ma and Pa Pa cannot get along cos your Pa Pa dun want to do chores! So sorry kid, Ma Ma and Pa Pa can no longer be together."

I dunno if there are other issues between the two of you. If there is a problem, there is always a solution.

If chores are always the contention, then Maeryn has a really good suggestion. Outsourcing the chores is really a good idea. When I was living with my mum, we used to do that during the new year spring cleaning period to ease the cleaning workload.

There are those weekend maids that does the cleaning at a fee. They will mop, wash and iron for you for a small fee. If I remember correctly, the charges are hourly rated. Some are tasks rated(fixed charges for each chore).

The flyers are always around, in letter boxes and stuffed at the door.

If you cannot find any, let me know. I will save some for you from my letterbox.

In a marriage, it is all about compromises, collaborations and cooperation between you and your spouse.

A lot of time and effort is needed to build a relationship to the point of making the decision to get married and live together! There must be something you have seen in your spouse to make you wanna bear his child. So why let chores get in the way?

Since both of you are working, getting a weekend maid will definitely solve some of the stress the both of you are feeling. If you think hiring a weekend maid every week is taxing, you can always reduce the number of times they come to do the cleaning. For a few hundred dollars a month, you can engage the part-time maid twice a month to do the heavier duty chores like ironing, washing of toilets and windows... etc.

The chinese has a saying, "Yi Ri Fu Qi, Bai Ri En" (loosely translated --> One day of marriage is equalivant to a hundred days of blessings!)

There is a reason why the both of you got together. Don't lose sight of it.

Sit your spouse down and talk things over. Once you feel that there is a quarrel about to erupt, postpone the session. Try again when the both of you are in better moods. If need be, get a neutral friend to sit in to mediate.

I really hope you can work things out with your spouse. It will be sad to see a relationship turn sour due to chores and chores alone when there are many alternatives to get the chores done.

For every problem, there is a solution. It is whether we are looking hard enough to find it or not ~ ahgong

 

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Gnm,

Like what I said, household chores may seem trivial, but it can be detrimental to a marriage if they're not dealt with. Like how you've reacted, a friend expressed surprise at my frustration over housework,"What's there to quarrel over housework?" Then I found out that her husband helps out around the house - mops the floor, hang the laundry, takes care of the baby, to list a few. If you've a helping husband (that's not to say that 'you', Gnm, are a female), you wouldn't understand the frustration and tiredness of being a all-in-one woman.

But of course, like what you've speculated, there're other issues. I don't know which is worse: a husband who is almost perfect except that he is unfaithful, or a husband whose only good point is being faithful. I suspect it's the former. At least you feel that he's the head of the household and takes care of you, and there's a valid reason to divorce him if you want to.

I'd thought we'd sorted out all the household issues before marriage. He'd agreed to what I suggested. And I had trusted him to carry out his promises. Now there's no fulfilment of the promises. To me, he has lost all credibility. I have problems believing what he says and the lack of trust shows when we communicate. He then gets frustrated that I don't trust him to get a simple job done - but he does screw them up half the time.

I didn't know he gambles huge. When I first realised he spent hundreds on the tickets after marriage, I told him I would divorce him if he does it again. I thought he would do it on the sly but I didn't want to restrict him too much as long as he kept the amount to a minimal. The last I knew, he spent $1.9k on just 3 tickets when there're other tickets lying around and he tried to lie to me that they are expired tickets when the date of purchase was on the tickets themselves.

How can I, or anybody, trust that he will not gamble huge again? It's a habit, clearly. It makes me feel insecure that he would rather spend this kinda money on his habit than go clear his credit card debts, and come back and tell me he doesn't have money.

It makes me feel that I'd rather he goes out and sleeps with another woman so that I can divorce him quickly.

For every problem, there's supposed to be a solution. But a lot depends on whether the person sees it as a problem or not, or whether he would like to solve the problem.

 

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Gnm,

Like what I said, household chores may seem trivial, but it can be detrimental to a marriage if they're not dealt with. Like how you've reacted, a friend expressed surprise at my frustration over housework,"What's there to quarrel over housework?" Then I found out that her husband helps out around the house - mops the floor, hang the laundry, takes care of the baby, to list a few. If you've a helping husband (that's not to say that 'you', Gnm, are a female), you wouldn't understand the frustration and tiredness of being a all-in-one woman.

But of course, like what you've speculated, there're other issues. I don't know which is worse: a husband who is almost perfect except that he is unfaithful, or a husband whose only good point is being faithful. I suspect it's the former. At least you feel that he's the head of the household and takes care of you, and there's a valid reason to divorce him if you want to.

I'd thought we'd sorted out all the household issues before marriage. He'd agreed to what I suggested. And I had trusted him to carry out his promises. Now there's no fulfilment of the promises. To me, he has lost all credibility. I have problems believing what he says and the lack of trust shows when we communicate. He then gets frustrated that I don't trust him to get a simple job done - but he does screw them up half the time.

I didn't know he gambles huge. When I first realised he spent hundreds on the tickets after marriage, I told him I would divorce him if he does it again. I thought he would do it on the sly but I didn't want to restrict him too much as long as he kept the amount to a minimal. The last I knew, he spent $1.9k on just 3 tickets when there're other tickets lying around and he tried to lie to me that they are expired tickets when the date of purchase was on the tickets themselves.

How can I, or anybody, trust that he will not gamble huge again? It's a habit, clearly. It makes me feel insecure that he would rather spend this kinda money on his habit than go clear his credit card debts, and come back and tell me he doesn't have money.

It makes me feel that I'd rather he goes out and sleeps with another woman so that I can divorce him quickly.

For every problem, there's supposed to be a solution. But a lot depends on whether the person sees it as a problem or not, or whether he would like to solve the problem.

You got a point there. It is only a problem if you recognize it as such and actively seek a solution to resolve it.

Well, from the looks of it, there are much more to the issue than just chores.

hmm... will speaking to a marriage counselor help?

Your son is young, and breaking up a family unit at such a tender age, he may not be able to understand the intricacies of the situation. And it is really sad to see a family unit break up after all the efforts invested, from the time you met to the time you pak-tor all the way till you gave birth.

There will be a day where he will realize his folly of his ways. And I hope that day will come soon.

 

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I like to outsource but somehow I don't find them to do a good job and the next day, I have to sweep & mop again.

Sometimes I do, sometimes he do. Since we have a weekly maid, she will do it. But we are moving house soon, so we actually ends the maid service and now, nobody does it.

I'm too tired travelling between my new and old home, somemore the moment I think of my new home needs heavy cleaning after renovation, I sian liao.

 

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the heavy cleaning can get those professional cleaners to do a once-off

will cost quite a bit but guess it's worth it loh

just finished moping half of my nest on sat already arms ache legs ache liao

empty somemore leh, can't imagine next time got to navigate around the furnitures :dancingqueen:

alternatively, maybe you want to consider investing in those robotic vacuum cleaners, those that cleans and mop at the same time

at least you only need to clean up the corners :rolleyes:

 

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the heavy cleaning can get those professional cleaners to do a once-off

will cost quite a bit but guess it's worth it loh

just finished moping half of my nest on sat already arms ache legs ache liao

empty somemore leh, can't imagine next time got to navigate around the furnitures :dancingqueen:

alternatively, maybe you want to consider investing in those robotic vacuum cleaners, those that cleans and mop at the same time

at least you only need to clean up the corners :rolleyes:

I wanted those but at the moment, that reno stuff burst my budget.

Reno woes:

1. 30 June completion -> Only finish the tiling works

2. Hack wall, but not complete -> have to hack all, now my aircon just hanging there, also dunno will spoilt or not plus more $$ for trunking cost to shift location

3. Kitchen cabinet suspended -> Cannot do cos too heavy, more $$ for base

4. Location of basin -> Block window, cannot open/close windows, need to shorten the basin area, but tap still block window door (have to remain closed at all times).

For the moment, I will be using the broom to sweep (vacuum cleaner also spolit, taped at all junction as the long tube broke).

Very xian to think about my new house :notti::(:D

But how is the condition of the hand-over? Will it be cleaner than during renovation :yamseng:

 

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Yah. If you don't have the time and the energy...hopefully you have the money to outsource. You can get part-time cleaners at $10 per hour per person (you provide mop, vacuum cleaner, sponges, detergent) or companies with their own equipment, big water based vacuum cleaners.

For our first place, we had the luxury of time so every weekend, we vacuumed and moped. At least 3 to 4 times before we moved in. Luckily, in our first month of stay, we had the confinement maid to mop the floor daily for us. She lamented the place was still so dusty despite her efforts.

For the second, time was crucial and we are now swapped with kids and work so we hired a cleaning company to do the cleaning and polishing.

 

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sorry, this question cannot answer you coz i haven't start my own renovation

have taken photos of all the defects and will be starting my own renovation concurrently with the rectification works

if a general clean-up or chemical wash is included in your package, they should do a good cleaning for you, i think :rolleyes:

the kitchen cabinet should be rectified FOC by your ID mah

they are in this line so should already know the limits

if he proposed knowingly, then he is out to cheat you liao loh

this is what i call 'hidden cost' :dancingqueen:

 

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But how is the condition of the hand-over? Will it be cleaner than during renovation :dancingqueen:

Think the responsible contractors/ IDs will at least clear the rubbish and sweep the floor. My contractor wiped the tiles and the carpentry as well. But, like he said, it is the very fine dust from the renovation that you have to vacuum and mop a few times before the place is comfortable.

 

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I guess most of us who do cleaning will realise how tiring a process this can be. That's why some of us are always on the look-out for good cleaning appliances. If you look around, there have been discussions about what some of these are. For example, some of us find the Scotch Brite mops to be very good at mopping the floor. Others like to use the Magic Mop for picking up dust on the floor. And if you are really into gadgets, there are those robo-vac which goes around vacuuming/sweeping the floor on its own unattended.

 

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