The Best Journey Always Leads Us Home

[LADY_R 0]

Oh, it's much easier to laugh things off than to expend all that energy in being angry.

This is sooo true...sometimes it is best to laugh things off.

thru my experience, there are a few mistakes done by our contractor (this I always have to remind myself..nobody is perfect. and ppl tend to make mistake )..and he will call to infrm me of the situation.. and I will try to solve or give him any idea that came across from the knowledge that I have. And usually I will keep on laughing non stop and make a joke with him, until at one point he told me this "I like working with both of u..instead of scolding me, u guys able to help me to rectify and even make jokes on it." & the relationship between contractor and client have become friends

[footprint 0]

Well, if he's left the company, he would have full reign of the sub-cons he wants to work with, so I anticipate it should be less problematic for him (or for my parents). Besides, my father would NOT take any minor error lightly so the ID would have to be very on the ball. I do think my ID is honest and alright to deal with, just that the coordination problems should have been better taken care of, and he has a bad habit of not "remembering" what was discussed. Sometimes I do not always follow up with an email (and this is my folly, given that I am aware of this trait) so it becomes a he said, she said situation.

Perhaps he'll learn from this mistakes and become more effectual at project management. *glass half full*

- Ely

good to be positive!

which is impt, coz being upset cant help to change anything, except to be more angry and negative.

[joyousonline 0]

sorry to hear of your reno woes... just bear with it and finish the rectifications. life still goes on. see if you want to loadge a complain to the company.

dun recommend him to do your dad's house since he cant even deliver on a small scale..how to handle a bigger scale which requires even more coordination?

cheer up sis!! look forward to the finished product!

[Ely1 0]

I understand your position, honestly I do and I tend to be on the softer side of pushing although I do have the advantage of being a fairly big westerner and so people have preconceived ideas about me being forceful and abrupt . Oh and I can be very stubborn .

From what you have said I would arrange a meeting around a table with your ID, you and hubby. Ask for a list of outstanding works, a schedule of who will be completing when. Fix the final date and mention about things seeming to be miss placed. Make sure the ID knows that either he or your husband need to be on site when any workers are doing the work and you do not feel so comfortable being alone with the workers. He should understand and it is his job to keep the worker on schedule. Point out that the balcony is the only smoking area and he needs to inform all the workers. Advise him that any workers found to be smoking anywhere in your apartment other than the balcony will be asked to leave and not come back and a bill for cleaning the clothes and furniture will be forwarded to him. Make it clear that you are publishing the details of the renovation on the renotalk forums for everyone to see. If he cannot give you a completion date he can stick to then ask him who in his company can. He may not have the power to force the sub-contractors to meet schedules but someone in his company has.

Post up the list of outstanding works, his schedule and track it here. Make sure you include both your IDs name and his company name on every update. If the deadlines start slipping again then ask who in his company can get them back on track and call / write to them making sure you provide the link to your blog so they know their performance is being recorded.

Bottom line is that you are paying for a service within a set time frame and they are failing to deliver. You need to remove the personal connection and look at it as if this was a business property and you are now loosing money because you cannot open. People will take advantage of your kindness even if you think you have a good connection / working relationship with them. Sales people are notorious for this.

If it helps, do some role playing (in persona only, don't actually paint yourself blue and carry a plastic axe to the table when meeting you ID ). Would your WoW character accept these delays and be so nice carrying an ash tray because the workers will not stop smoking. Go get a whistle and blow it a lot when the workers are staring at you or doing something you don't like or get a cane and slap it on to a table. Take them back to their school days. Please video it as I am sure it would be fantastic to watch all the workers running scared . Hopefully if nothing else that has brought a smile to you and hubbys faces.

Some really good advice there, but I don't want to seem mean by posting his name and firm here and ruining his otherwise quite stellar reputation on RT. In all fairness, he has tried (though not his best) to meet the deadlines but some things were simply out of his control. I hear him screaming and yelling at the sub-cons yet they still did not turn up - I'd like to think that I'm very fair in all my relationships with people and in this particular situation, I don't see how it's his fault if the sub-cons are uncompliant. Several other mistakes seem to be deliberately done too - for it doesn't appear like a seasoned carpenter to "forget" drilling holes for taps, or for granite top guys to completely cut out a hole for a tap, then got the plumber to cut off a portion of my sink!!

when it should look like:

I think what's most difficult for me is removing that personal connection because human relationships are most important to me. One of my biggest weakness is my objection to cruelty. I live so much to give pleasure to others that after a while I am confused myself as to whether I meet people for their sake or for my own pleasure. The truth is that there is vast sum of things I do not do for myself that it has become the dominant impulse. True identification with others and the desire to give is erroneously confused.

Btw, I wasn't guildmistress because I had mad skillz, but because I was known for being a carebear and would run raid after raid after raid to help get everyone's toon their desired equipment/drops. I was merely well-liked because I helped so selflessly and was very lucky to have a loyal following who supported my carebear mentality.

- ha, found my kobold from DAoC.

And a really old post...

I've learnt from previous experience not to wear shorts to the place now, or to be in any bendy pose (!) when the workers are around. The carpenters, plumbers etc are all okay, it was only the parquet ones that were creepy. I hid behind the couch so they couldn't see me. The over-protective Husband called the MCST to send a security guard over when the neighbours' contractors were hanging outside my door and chatting with me when I was alone cleaning the apartment. It simply isn't possible for The Husband to be there when he needs to be at work, or the ID to be always present as he has other projects to run. I'm lucky that I'm off work for the moment but my volunteer work has been shelved due to time constraint since a perpetual presence is needed in case things go missing again. Sadly, work would have to commence once the house is done - I'm just terribly grateful that I don't need to juggle work, house renovations, children, pets, volunteer work all at the same time, for I would surely have gone insane weeks ago.

Ha-ha, you are really too kind. I am in a position where I can offer an alternative perspective on things having never been though your education system and coming from a different culture. Some of those views may be helpful and some may have no place for people in Singapore but it is nice to know the majority of my longgggggg posts are helpful to at least some others. I am an analyst by trade and back in the UK had friends who were pretty quick to pick up on any mistakes in how you phrase things or inaccurate information. To this end I tend to be very careful about how I phrase things and usually do checks before posting something as fact. I also like to research what others say and make up my own mind and so provide the links so others can do the same. I am not here to tell people what to think but to point them to decent info so they can make their own mind up. As I am sure you are aware, I never tell people to buy this or that when talking about HTS but point them at choices so they can make up their own mind.

FKN is an amusing distraction and has provided me with a reason to dig deeper in to various areas of HTS in order to provide evidence that he is 'confused'. I cannot count how many times I have deleted the phrase 'are you a complete moron' from my replies to him as personal attacks are a bit too much .

I am happy to share what I know and open to learn more so I am just glad I can help others and it is always nice to make new friends.

That is precisely why you're such a gem to RT. You don't force-feed people your opinions on what to buy - you take into consideration their usage, likes, budget etc and then advise accordingly with great sensitivity and information. That's EXACTLY what people searching for a HTS need, and you give so thoughtfully and selflessly with tips on how to save money, even generous enough to allow people to visit your home to view your set-up and have a better understanding of HTS or in my case, even offering to come down to help calibrate my system! Now, who's a carebear?

Ok, now I think I have to be brutal (A kick with size 11 boots hopefully wrapped in pillows for you) .

Stop and take a breath and a look around. Look at the before photos you have posted. Those photos are of a fairly nice place compared to the average in Singapore. Do you remember what some of the other places you looked at were like. If it was anything like some we saw then what you class as 'nothing special' is not the average in Singapore. Just by virtue of being able to to have a reno your place is special. Now take a step back and look at all the wonderful things you have bought to 'dress up' your apartment. Things that almost no one else will have in Singapore. How is that not special. If you are comparing with places you have lived in Aus then maybe it is not so special, just like me comparing my basic reno with places in the UK but we are now in Singapore. What you have is something very special indeed but you need to be able to step back to take a good look compared with the bigger picture. Not special is 30 year old original condition . Just because you have not got stacks of fancy laminates everywhere, does not make it not special. I am sure with your eye for detail that the sum of the parts will be better than the whole. Standing in the center of the whirlwind stops you seeing the big picture and familiarity breeds contempt.

Ok, boots off .

RB

Thank you for your beautiful post. It does help put things in perspective for me, especially when I find myself so drained nowadays. Jillian Michaels would kick my butt if she knew how I've been slacking off with working out and eating poorly, and excessively! When you come over, you can truly judge how very "special" it is - it's no real stand-out but it's simple and modern. And that works for me

- Ely

[Ely1 0]

sorry to hear of your reno woes... just bear with it and finish the rectifications. life still goes on. see if you want to loadge a complain to the company.

dun recommend him to do your dad's house since he cant even deliver on a small scale..how to handle a bigger scale which requires even more coordination?

cheer up sis!! look forward to the finished product!

Thank you, joyous - haven't seen you for a bit!

I don't think it needs to escalate to a complaint yet, I believe things can get back on track soon especially after The Husband has expressed his displeasure rather blatantly yesterday. My ID also doesn't try to find excuses for the long delays, and I respect him for that.

I'm going to let my dad decide if he wants to engage my ID for the house, as he is fully aware of the problems we're facing, since I'm still living in his house!

Hmm, here's what is going to be done:

- Ely

[Ely1 0]

This is sooo true...sometimes it is best to laugh things off.

thru my experience, there are a few mistakes done by our contractor (this I always have to remind myself..nobody is perfect. and ppl tend to make mistake )..and he will call to infrm me of the situation.. and I will try to solve or give him any idea that came across from the knowledge that I have. And usually I will keep on laughing non stop and make a joke with him, until at one point he told me this "I like working with both of u..instead of scolding me, u guys able to help me to rectify and even make jokes on it." & the relationship between contractor and client have become friends

Hi Lady R, yep - best to find something to smile about everyday. Like Bondi's box of toys yesterday. Or when days are really bad, I just go home and hug my dog.

Sometimes the soft approach does work too, doesn't it? Now you've not only gotten your gorgeous home (with that unbelievable kitchen!) but a friend as well! That's quite amazing

good to be positive!

which is impt, coz being upset cant help to change anything, except to be more angry and negative.

Yeah, footprint, I'm usually glass half empty but too much energy wasted so am just going to focus on the positives Today's smile worthy moment:

I won that art piece! Booyah!

- Ely

[marshmallow 0]

Ely, sorry to hear about all the hiccups you are having *hugz* hope that things will get better from now on. so have you started asking your ID for the daily schedule?

i tend to be a bit soft too, so when it's necessary, i got the hubby to talk to contractor in order to exert some pressure on them. i would love everyone to be happy and try to be nice to everyone (is it a virgo thing? ) but i guess sometimes it's necessary to make your unhappiness known~

anyway, be positive and look forward to your new home~ i'm sure your home will be an extraordinary beauty becos it's very "you" - that's what makes a home special, rite?

[marshmallow 0]

I won that art piece! Booyah!

- Ely

oooo congrats!

[Ely1 0]

Ely, sorry to hear about all the hiccups you are having *hugz* hope that things will get better from now on. so have you started asking your ID for the daily schedule?

i tend to be a bit soft too, so when it's necessary, i got the hubby to talk to contractor in order to exert some pressure on them. i would love everyone to be happy and try to be nice to everyone (is it a virgo thing? ) but i guess sometimes it's necessary to make your unhappiness known~

anyway, be positive and look forward to your new home~ i'm sure your home will be an extraordinary beauty becos it's very "you" - that's what makes a home special, rite?

Sis Marshy,

I think it could very well be a Virgo thing! Sigh.

Thanks for the hug - so appreciated.

Currently the schedule is:

FRIDAY (Today): Outdoor blinds, plumber

SATURDAY: Electrician

MONDAY: Painting

WED: Carpentry, cleaning, couch delivery

FRIDAY: Wallpaper

So, moving in next Saturday!

[RimBlock 0]

I'm going to let my dad decide if he wants to engage my ID for the house, as he is fully aware of the problems we're facing, since I'm still living in his house!

Pictures too small... need bigger pictures .

RB

[RimBlock 0]

I think what's most difficult for me is removing that personal connection because human relationships are most important to me. One of my biggest weakness is my objection to cruelty. I live so much to give pleasure to others that after a while I am confused myself as to whether I meet people for their sake or for my own pleasure. The truth is that there is vast sum of things I do not do for myself that it has become the dominant impulse. True identification with others and the desire to give is erroneously confused.

Yep I hear you but there are people who will willingly take advantage of that whilst pretending to be friends. The fear of not being liked can push people to be overly nice and get taken advantage of. Whilst I am a fairly happy easy going guy, I have come to a point where I will push back and push back hard if I feel someone is taking advantage of that too much. Being pleasant is good but being a doormat (your example of following with an ash tray even after asking them not to smoke is a perfect example) breads a lack of respect in others if they are not your friends. Limits need to be maintained, just like when you need to set them for your children as they grow up. If they are not set in adult interaction then some will try to push the limits to see how far they can get.

I've learnt from previous experience not to wear shorts to the place now, or to be in any bendy pose (!) when the workers are around. The carpenters, plumbers etc are all okay, it was only the parquet ones that were creepy. I hid behind the couch so they couldn't see me. The over-protective Husband called the MCST to send a security guard over when the neighbours' contractors were hanging outside my door and chatting with me when I was alone cleaning the apartment. It simply isn't possible for The Husband to be there when he needs to be at work, or the ID to be always present as he has other projects to run. I'm lucky that I'm off work for the moment but my volunteer work has been shelved due to time constraint since a perpetual presence is needed in case things go missing again. Sadly, work would have to commence once the house is done - I'm just terribly grateful that I don't need to juggle work, house renovations, children, pets, volunteer work all at the same time, for I would surely have gone insane weeks ago.

Well men are drawn to beautiful women and you seem to have a positive remarks from those who have met you. Being alone with a bunch of workers is not something I would really want my wife to do. My mother-in-law would be there too if I could not make it or just my MiL would be there. I don't think she gets stared at so much especially as I am sure she could stare anyone down at 100 paces .

... Now, who's a carebear?

Aww shucks mam.. 't wer'nt nothing.

I do hate people speaking with authority on subjects they know very little or nothing about. Again, this is why I tend to check my facts before making statements. I hate this second only to people trying to oppress others with their sense of religion or morality, as your good husband knows when we had a little discussion before anyone let on he was your good husband . {whisper} I was suggesting he should be a little less protective and you could stick up for yourself, but again that was before I knew you two were married {/whisper}.

Thank you for your beautiful post. It does help put things in perspective for me, especially when I find myself so drained nowadays. Jillian Michaels would kick my butt if she knew how I've been slacking off with working out and eating poorly, and excessively! When you come over, you can truly judge how very "special" it is - it's no real stand-out but it's simple and modern. And that works for me

So there you go. It has no big stand out features but it is still special .

One point that people may not have realised is that although modesty is a nice trait to display, after spending 50k+ on a renovation and calling it nothing special may have a negative affect on others who are not even able to spend that much and what they have spent is their life savings. They may feel that peoples comments made out of modesty somehow devalue their efforts (as in, "if she spends 80k and thinks it is nothing special, what must my 30k reno be like). As people we all measure ourselves against our piers, to an extent we cannot help it. Maybe a modest "thanks for your kind words" may be more diplomatic than "It really is not that special". I know full well that no one is doing it deliberately or because they are arrogent. It is probably a side people have not thought of.

Yeah, I tend to be fairly empathic with everyone, seeing things from the others point of view and sometimes giving it higher priority than my own. Over the last 10 years I have learnt to control it much better now though. ET still brings a tear to my eye though .

Oh and I hear you about the gym.... I really need to get back so I can get my waist back down. I dropped around 8KG last year (I gained around 15KG since I have been here) and I hate to think how much I have gained back now. Have to get back to the weight training and the boxing again although I am sure the gym has no issues with me paying and not turning up...

RB

[RimBlock 0]

Oh... and I am still waiting for your input along with May and a number of others on the 'Internet shopping guide'.

I have put in links for inflatable 4 person hot tub for under S$1K (plus delivery) and an inflatable British Pub and a water powered jetpack......

Come one, come all..... add to the RT internet shopping knowledge.

RB

[joyousonline 0]

Thank you, joyous - haven't seen you for a bit!

I don't think it needs to escalate to a complaint yet, I believe things can get back on track soon especially after The Husband has expressed his displeasure rather blatantly yesterday. My ID also doesn't try to find excuses for the long delays, and I respect him for that.

I'm going to let my dad decide if he wants to engage my ID for the house, as he is fully aware of the problems we're facing, since I'm still living in his house!

- Ely

yah been bz meeting up with IDs and thinking of my kitchen layout blah blah. thus no updates for my blog yet. so far have not seen any layout which i like. tonight will meet up with another id. hopefully can get some ideas from them. but IDs pricing are real ex!

only manage to buy a serta king sized bed for my room! been looking around for wcs...hmmm so many brands until i dunno what to choose! and contemplating to hv a massage bathtub for 2! it will definitely be a luxury for both of us since the tub can fit for 2 pax. counting counting ...hope dun burn a hole in my pocket so dun dare buy anything else first!

[Drexter 0]

Hi Hafiizh,

Nice to hear from you again!

I think too many of you have unrealistic expectations of the house - it REALLY isn't outstanding. All very boring and normal, really. Well, when you come by, you'll find that it looks like any other home you've seen and definitely not one of the highlights on RT (from the top of my head, I can already name several).

Will definitely conduct seminar on online shopping during RT housewarming - Powerpoint presentation, take-home notes and Q&A sessions and all~ My HTS is nowhere near the awesomeness of RB's - he has a projector FFS! Our is actually quite an entry-level system. Inclusive of the TV and media player, it's about $7k - remember we got lots of stuff second hand. The real audiophiles have amps that alone cost $10k! Bedroom's "system" is only $1.8K (with TV). Even the KEC guys commented that ours is a very basic, entry-level set up. It'll suffice for us though. We even scrimped on cables (from Audioquest's S$190 for 3x HDMI cables to eBay's S$30 for 4x Gold V1.4 ones haha!).

Here's a preview of the art piece I'm going to get :

- Ely

Artistic!

[Ely1 0]

Yep I hear you but there are people who will willingly take advantage of that whilst pretending to be friends. The fear of not being liked can push people to be overly nice and get taken advantage of. Whilst I am a fairly happy easy going guy, I have come to a point where I will push back and push back hard if I feel someone is taking advantage of that too much. Being pleasant is good but being a doormat (your example of following with an ash tray even after asking them not to smoke is a perfect example) breads a lack of respect in others if they are not your friends. Limits need to be maintained, just like when you need to set them for your children as they grow up. If they are not set in adult interaction then some will try to push the limits to see how far they can get.

All very good and valid points, I'd hate to think I'm a total doormat and that I can be assertive when it really counts. Things close to my heart like animal welfare or family really spark off that fiercely protective side of me and I've been known to have taken a Shimano fishing rod to a guy in Australia then ended up calling the police on myself (?!). Even got into a shouting match that almost led to blows with a drunken guy throwing rocks at a cat. I devote myself to what I can help, act on, heal - and it's a little different with managing house renovations.

I spoil my pets to bits so I hope that Mummy attitude doesn't reflect on my real parenting skills. There's still so much for me to learn, and you can bet I'd buy every book on parenting once we decide it's time for a little one

Well men are drawn to beautiful women and you seem to have a positive remarks from those who have met you.

No one has met me... yet. I'm more like a comely badger

Aww shucks mam.. 't wer'nt nothing.

I do hate people speaking with authority on subjects they know very little or nothing about. Again, this is why I tend to check my facts before making statements. I hate this second only to people trying to oppress others with their sense of religion or morality, as your good husband knows when we had a little discussion before anyone let on he was your good husband . {whisper} I was suggesting he should be a little less protective and you could stick up for yourself, but again that was before I knew you two were married {/whisper}.

/whisper I know, that was pretty funny actually!

So there you go. It has no big stand out features but it is still special .

One point that people may not have realised is that although modesty is a nice trait to display, after spending 50k+ on a renovation and calling it nothing special may have a negative affect on others who are not even able to spend that much and what they have spent is their life savings. They may feel that peoples comments made out of modesty somehow devalue their efforts (as in, "if she spends 80k and thinks it is nothing special, what must my 30k reno be like). As people we all measure ourselves against our piers, to an extent we cannot help it. Maybe a modest "thanks for your kind words" may be more diplomatic than "It really is not that special". I know full well that no one is doing it deliberately or because they are arrogent. It is probably a side people have not thought of.

I really hope I have not offended anyone by my "nothing special" remarks. I know you know I didn't mean it that way, but I'm stating this to anyone else who might have felt their renovation efforts were less 'worthy' or "special" than mine because of monetary value. Everyone and anyone who puts in the effort to read through Renotalk, and/or starting their own T-Blog to share their personal journeys with all to learn from, come from a well-intentioned place - wanting to build their dream home and sharing their ups and downs with a like-minded, generous and empathetic community. I had no intention of flaunting my excessive spending habits, which I have never mentioned, is now a true cause of concern. This is all our life savings too, and EVERYTHING has been put in it to in the hopes of creating a space we'd love to be in with people we love.

Coming from a field of PR, I should know the art of diplomacy better so I sincerely apologise to anyone who has felt their efforts were any less. I know people who can wear a $5 blouse and make it look a Chloe, and those who wear Larry's jewels that look like costume jewellery from Chameleon - it's not the amount of money that goes into something, and I know I've said this before (or to the same effect), it's what home owners put in that truly makes the home special. Not the fancy furniture or expensive knife sets - but the personal touches that reveal so much about the person inhabiting the space.

When I insist it's "nothing special", it simply means there is no outstanding feature like a huge platform bed (hi2u May Dream), or clever use of space (hellooo hafiizh), or a house so well thought-through and imaginative (green giraffe with a stage for a band!), or bright pink kitchens that really pack a punch.

Everyone who visits my home will have their personal favourite spot of the house, and I guess that what is considered "special" to them will differ with each individual. Not laying any bets yet but I think yours might be the HTS~

- Ely