whiteivory 0 Report post Posted July 15, 2007 (edited) I just want to share a story here. This couple who has already ROMed in January last year, par toh for like 3 years, the bf suddenly dropped a bomb recently on the gf that he wanted a divorce. The reason/excuse he gave was like he was not ready for marriage, got "tired" of the relationship now, not sure if the gf is the one he wants to spend his life with etc. However, there is a tell-tale sign like he keep postponing the wedding dinner and the wedding photo taking, but when gf asks him, he keeps saying that it is of the money factor. The best part is when the gf's family got to know about this, he gave them the reason is because of the "money" thing again when they asked him what was happening!My question is if the bf is not certain that the gf is the ONE for him, why did he initiate the ROM in the first place and to apply for a flat? Why are there such men in this world?. Edited July 15, 2007 by whiteivory Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cheesecake 0 Report post Posted July 15, 2007 Hmmm...the guy is how old?Stuff like these happens....I tink ppl change all the time & we are not able to control change. It's possible dat after ROMing & getting a flat, after living together for a couple of years, realised dat actually, he cannot live with her. Being in love & having to live together are v different lo. Wat i can say is things dun happen overnite Along the way, something has gone wrong...If the gal felt dat everything happened too suddenly, apparently, she totally clueless during the 1.5yrs. Mayb the guy met someone new. I tink hor, intiating to ROM & apply flat is no big deal loh...Mayb he reali did wan to settle down with her but after a yr plus, things change. Its hard to explain his actions in the first place. If he doesnt wan to go on, he can come up with a million 'reasons'. When a person reaches different stages of life, the ONE for him, will change also...its like this i guess... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted July 15, 2007 the only reason i can think of is - he don't love her anymore Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Homeowner 1 Report post Posted July 16, 2007 (edited) Oh well, it's better that he realise the situation early and is courageous enough to end it than to go ahead with the wedding and everything for the sake of face/ ease. An affair/ divorce after a proper marriage or kids would be a lot worse, isn't it? An annulment sounds slightly better than a divorce.A breakup at any stage is always painful. Edited July 16, 2007 by Homeowner Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yellow 0 Report post Posted July 16, 2007 I think it happens to everyone when love frizzes out and the parties got sian. But love dun frizzes out for nothing. It is a gradual thing. After all, something special about each other must have attracted them in the first place. They need to spend time together, communicate and recall memories they had. My hb and I always have fun recalling our memories. It added a reminder why we are together in the first place and should still. If that dun work, your friend need to sit down and talk abt the bf’s concerns…ROM is not a routine route after 3 yrs of dating. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
therat 18 Report post Posted July 16, 2007 I just want to share a story here. This couple who has already ROMed in January last year, par toh for like 3 years, the bf suddenly dropped a bomb recently on the gf that he wanted a divorce. The reason/excuse he gave was like he was not ready for marriage, got "tired" of the relationship now, not sure if the gf is the one he wants to spend his life with etc. However, there is a tell-tale sign like he keep postponing the wedding dinner and the wedding photo taking, but when gf asks him, he keeps saying that it is of the money factor. The best part is when the gf's family got to know about this, he gave them the reason is because of the "money" thing again when they asked him what was happening!My question is if the bf is not certain that the gf is the ONE for him, why did he initiate the ROM in the first place and to apply for a flat? Why are there such men in this world?. !!this BF is consisted very good and responsible.At least he didn't go for the wedding dinner and photo taking.My friend told me what has happen to her colleague. The colleague was told to call off the wedding..few mth before the wedding dinner.Par toh almost 10 yrs, house ready liao.. reno liao.wedding dinner book liaored letter also sent out liaophoto also take liao.Then FH just talk her, I'm in love with another girl. Call off the whole wedding.2nd story, the FW call off the wedding 1 week before the dinner. B'coz she say.. her FH is mother's son type. Everything all mother say ...Story start. When go and buy furniture for their new house, the FH bring his mother go and choose. Then decide liao(don;t know buy liao bo), then ask the FW come down and see.Reno, also .. FH bring mother go down. Decide liao, then call FWFH say.. don't let the FW so tired..But FW say.... everything all mother say.. marry mother better..who right who wrong Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
whiteivory 0 Report post Posted July 17, 2007 (edited) Hmmm...the guy is how old?Stuff like these happens....I tink ppl change all the time & we are not able to control change. It's possible dat after ROMing & getting a flat, after living together for a couple of years, realised dat actually, he cannot live with her. Being in love & having to live together are v different lo. Wat i can say is things dun happen overnite Along the way, something has gone wrong...If the gal felt dat everything happened too suddenly, apparently, she totally clueless during the 1.5yrs. Mayb the guy met someone new. I tink hor, intiating to ROM & apply flat is no big deal loh...Mayb he reali did wan to settle down with her but after a yr plus, things change. Its hard to explain his actions in the first place. If he doesnt wan to go on, he can come up with a million 'reasons'. When a person reaches different stages of life, the ONE for him, will change also...its like this i guess...hello, you are back!! haha..As for my gf, the guy is in his late twenties. They have just recently finished renovating their flat and last wk, before the guy brought up the breakup thing, he even went shopping for furniture together. ya, if a man changes heart, can tell plenty of stories. I just despise him that he didnt take the marriage vows seriously. Having said once and then forgotten all about it.hai, then how to find a true reliable guy to settle down? Once bitten twice shy.Oh well, it's better that he realise the situation early and is courageous enough to end it than to go ahead with the wedding and everything for the sake of face/ ease. An affair/ divorce after a proper marriage or kids would be a lot worse, isn't it? An annulment sounds slightly better than a divorce.A breakup at any stage is always painful.yes, quite right in that sense,not until having kids. But to me, a woman's youth is very limited. Annulment sounds better in the sense of wording, but the cold hard fact is unbearable.the only reason i can think of is - he don't love her anymore not really leh, he has bought her a coach bag all the way from US when he was on business trip. Isnt that not a way to show love? I am also confused by his action. Before dropping the bomb, they still go out shopping and watching movie. He always tries to make his gf happy by asking, eg where for dinner.I think it happens to everyone when love frizzes out and the parties got sian. But love dun frizzes out for nothing. It is a gradual thing. After all, something special about each other must have attracted them in the first place. They need to spend time together, communicate and recall memories they had. My hb and I always have fun recalling our memories. It added a reminder why we are together in the first place and should still. If that dun work, your friend need to sit down and talk abt the bf’s concerns…ROM is not a routine route after 3 yrs of dating.yes, ROM is not the final destination for dating. But it is carried out with consent from both parties'. They are not forced in anyway or pressurized as far as I know.Actually its not betrayal unless another party is involved. Maybe there are many things that happened between themselves which we dunno?Love dun fuzzed out that quickly mah...by-standers may feel the guy is irresponsible or heartless. however we do not know whats really going on...Maybe betrayal is in the sense of betraying my gf's trust in seeing him as the right man to spend her life together.Actually its not betrayal unless another party is involved. Maybe there are many things that happened between themselves which we dunno?Love dun fuzzed out that quickly mah...by-standers may feel the guy is irresponsible or heartless. however we do not know whats really going on...As far as I know, the gf has done nothing wrong. I think maybe he is getting cold feet of having more "burdens" financially. Edited July 17, 2007 by whiteivory Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 1 Report post Posted July 17, 2007 Just to share my 2 cents,My views are very different. To me, marriage is nothing "special", to me it doesn't change anything besides the forms that I fill when I'm asked for my marital status. My relationship is still the same.It doesn't change the status quo for me. Why do I say that, it's because marriage to ppl could mean "the next step" in a relationship, there could be fears and what not.. but honestly, let's paint a picture.A) Man and Buddy goes clubbing at the local pub.. meets some gals.. Question, does the Man who is married say no to any sexual advances because he is "married" ??? because he has that commitment to the vows mentioned at the solemnization of their marriage?B) Similar Man and Buddy goes clubbing... yada yada yada.. in this case, Man thinks... and says no... why? because of the love to his partner... heck Man is not even married.. Hence,married or not married, not important. the love for each other is.in order to love each other without hesitation, they must burn the bridge, understand that there is only each other. no one is is better. more beautiful. more perfect.My 2 cents. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
whiteivory 0 Report post Posted July 17, 2007 Just to share my 2 cents,My views are very different. To me, marriage is nothing "special", to me it doesn't change anything besides the forms that I fill when I'm asked for my marital status. My relationship is still the same.It doesn't change the status quo for me. Why do I say that, it's because marriage to ppl could mean "the next step" in a relationship, there could be fears and what not.. but honestly, let's paint a picture.A) Man and Buddy goes clubbing at the local pub.. meets some gals.. Question, does the Man who is married say no to any sexual advances because he is "married" ??? because he has that commitment to the vows mentioned at the solemnization of their marriage?B) Similar Man and Buddy goes clubbing... yada yada yada.. in this case, Man thinks... and says no... why? because of the love to his partner... heck Man is not even married.. Hence,married or not married, not important. the love for each other is.in order to love each other without hesitation, they must burn the bridge, understand that there is only each other. no one is is better. more beautiful. more perfect.My 2 cents.I agree. A couple must have the sense of love and commitment, so that they can ride the storm together. If one thinks otherwise, then it is the end of everything. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tingshen 0 Report post Posted July 17, 2007 so is TS the poor girl?well, do you file for annulment instead of divorce? It's always better than divorce after everything got settled, eg, house is done, children came out...etc...I did have a friend who decided divorced his pretty ex-wife after they stayed together in the newly bought house, and I think the nightmare begun when they bought that unit next to his parents-in-law........ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
korea 0 Report post Posted July 17, 2007 so is TS the poor girl?well, do you file for annulment instead of divorce? It's always better than divorce after everything got settled, eg, house is done, children came out...etc...I did have a friend who decided divorced his pretty ex-wife after they stayed together in the newly bought house, and I think the nightmare begun when they bought that unit next to his parents-in-law........can you share the story of your friend? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted July 17, 2007 not really leh, he has bought her a coach bag all the way from US when he was on business trip. Isnt that not a way to show love? I am also confused by his action. Before dropping the bomb, they still go out shopping and watching movie. He always tries to make his gf happy by asking, eg where for dinner.maybe he had brought the bag back to make her happyor maybe he had brought the bag back to make up for some mistakes he did e.g. having a one-night-stand, or even two or three night-stands sometimes people just can't differentiate between love and habiti've known people who stayed together just because of habit and only realised it when THE day arrives.guess getting married is a time when a person really ask himself/herself whether is the really THE ONE?i've been through it before, heng i realised it before i got the keys to the flatif not got to lugi the 20% somemore Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
whiteivory 0 Report post Posted July 17, 2007 maybe he had brought the bag back to make her happyor maybe he had brought the bag back to make up for some mistakes he did e.g. having a one-night-stand, or even two or three night-stands sometimes people just can't differentiate between love and habiti've known people who stayed together just because of habit and only realised it when THE day arrives.guess getting married is a time when a person really ask himself/herself whether is the really THE ONE?i've been through it before, heng i realised it before i got the keys to the flatif not got to lugi the 20% somemore sorry to hear you also one of the victims of this nature. So what actually give you the courage to say NO to getting married? I think it needs tons of courage to say it out first, because ur ex hb might actually call you "names" for dumping him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
korea 0 Report post Posted July 17, 2007 maybe he had brought the bag back to make her happyor maybe he had brought the bag back to make up for some mistakes he did e.g. having a one-night-stand, or even two or three night-stands sometimes people just can't differentiate between love and habiti've known people who stayed together just because of habit and only realised it when THE day arrives.guess getting married is a time when a person really ask himself/herself whether is the really THE ONE?i've been through it before, heng i realised it before i got the keys to the flatif not got to lugi the 20% somemore you mean you were also one of such victims?? no wonder you don't want to get marry and prefer to stay "gf and bf" relationship. you must have been biten before. not really leh, he has bought her a coach bag all the way from US when he was on business trip. Isnt that not a way to show love? I am also confused by his action. Before dropping the bomb, they still go out shopping and watching movie. He always tries to make his gf happy by asking, eg where for dinner.i don't understand lor. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted July 17, 2007 (edited) sorry to hear you also one of the victims of this nature. So what actually give you the courage to say NO to getting married? I think it needs tons of courage to say it out first, because ur ex hb might actually call you "names" for dumping him.paiseh paiseh :)sorry if i misled anyone herei'm a 'victim' in a sense, but a victim of hdbme and ex-bf had applied for the hdb flat coz it's like everybody doing itthen go and book flat, pay option fee and the blah blah blahi only realised when i received the letter to collect keyssat alone all night and realised that i dun want to get married 8|won't say courage lah, but i'd rather face it then regret then got to go through divorce, split matrimonial assets and really answer to everyone loh so i kinda fly my ex's kite and yes he did call me names and almost managed to convince all my friends to turn against me heng my friends are true friends so in the end they chose to believe me i'm the fickle-minded kind so not really suitable for marriage lahif get married maybe third or fourth marriage liao :P Edited July 17, 2007 by applefreak Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
