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cornetto

Enduring your spouse in times of stress

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sometimes, you more you talk and the more quarrel will occur. haiz. delimma again. :sport-smiley-004:

So How to make men talk, be responsible and give more love and come back home ?

I heard from people by giving man more commitment like women quiting the job, tie him with family bills, family pressure from MIL, FIL, children?

I think man are more task oriented. If they still care and love the family they shall make it.

Is that true? :bangwall:

 

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But sometimes quarrels help you to understand each other better...it's not totally detrimental to the marriage...if u hold everything inside, one day it explodes, it's gonna bring even more dire consequences...the more you keep it inside, the more miserable you will feel...how to truly enjoy marriage life? I believe everything needs to be transparent and if anything, put on the table and discuss...running away to avoid the problem is not the solution in the long run....:~

haiz... also quite true. but when sometimes still in the mid of :sport-smiley-004: is better don't talk at the moment.

So How to make men talk, be responsible and give more love and come back home ?

I heard from people by giving man more commitment like women quiting the job, tie him with family bills, family pressure from MIL, FIL, children?

I think man are more task oriented. If they still care and love the family they shall make it.

Is that true? :bangwall:

my qns are how to make a man to show his love to you, responsible and not fool around?? :notti: so how, TPY? you're a man so give your ans. :~

 

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haiz... also quite true. but when sometimes still in the mid of :sport-smiley-004: is better don't talk at the moment.

my qns are how to make a man to show his love to you, responsible and not fool around?? :bangwall: so how, TPY? you're a man so give your ans. :notti:

Ya agree...must cool down first, the brain isn't designed to think straight when too angry.....

Edited by Air
 

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Ya agree...must cool down first, the brain isn't designed to think straight when too angry.....

usually, my hb and i are having cold war and we'll stop seeing each other for 1-2 days. to cool things down.

:bangwall:

men always say that women start to change after married. but do they realise why women change??? :sport-smiley-004:

 

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haiz... also quite true. but when sometimes still in the mid of :sport-smiley-004: is better don't talk at the moment.

my qns are how to make a man to show his love to you, responsible and not fool around?? :bangwall: so how, TPY? you're a man so give your ans. :notti:

I would suggest Conetto to pass all her works in renovation/ wedding preparation to her hubby and make him in her position. Make him cannot tahan the work load. ( If he can .. good he is working and standing like a man and conetto and sit and enahce on it) If he cannot, then he will have to seek support from his spouse where Conetto can now give her advices. This ways, man should feel respect and conetto can resume her role as a caring and supportvie wife.

Maybe I am MCP alittle but I still believe Man should be make todo work else he may slack. By doing work it is another ways of expressing his love to the family by being responsible.

 

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cornetto..how long have both of u together?

seems like both of u have some serious issues now. are both of you staying together now? why not go for marriage Counseling?

sometimes, i wonder marriage counseling really work a not?? :sport-smiley-004: usually, men are embarrassed to attend such counseling b'cos they feel either boring or no face. :~

where can we find such marriage counseling? is it a seminar or what? :bangwall:

I would suggest Conetto to pass all her works in renovation/ wedding preparation to her hubby and make him in her position. Make him cannot tahan the work load. ( If he can .. good he is working and standing like a man and conetto and sit and enahce on it) If he cannot, then he will have to seek support from his spouse where Conetto can now give her advices. This ways, man should feel respect and conetto can resume her role as a caring and supportvie wife.

Maybe I am MCP alittle but I still believe Man should be make todo work else he may slack. By doing work it is another ways of expressing his love to the family by being responsible.

TPY, you haven't answered my qns yet leh. :~

btw, what's MCP? :notti:

 

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korea...just go google spore. can find a lot of courses etc. its also useful to attend the marriage preparation course..there is a thread on this somewhere in this forum. :bangwall:

even if i'm willing to go but i don't know my hb wants to go a not. he feels boring or bo liao. :sport-smiley-004:

 

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sometimes, i wonder marriage counseling really work a not?? :P usually, men are embarrassed to attend such counseling b'cos they feel either boring or no face. :dancingqueen:

where can we find such marriage counseling? is it a seminar or what? 8|

TPY, you haven't answered my qns yet leh. :deal:

btw, what's MCP? :)

"Man should be make to do work else he may slack. By doing work it is another ways of expressing his love to the family by being responsible."

My house wife know lah, this is the mutual understanding between her and me.

 

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korea u will never know if u dun try to ask..

my hb find its ok to go for marriage preparation course even asked me if we wanna go n explore...so so far we didn't becoz i find a bit ex. humm..but somehow i really appreciate my hb more...for all the things he has done. 8|

expensive huh? how much? :P

 

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b4 marriage, we talked abt it & he improved. but only recently, he suddenly reverted to his old self. he wun call or sms me whenever he is out having fun. used to call him like 20 over times in the past, and he dun pick up the phone. sms also rarely reply. if reply, it's be monosyllabic. i do find tt kinda irresponsible. but i tink & tink & come to this conclusion: i am not his mother leh, he should have his own space & time, dun need to report to me all the time right? tt's why now i oredi stopped confronting him on this problem, more like acceptance. but just wondering why he liddat one. seriously dun feel good lah.

cornetto,

Didn't realize that you had dug up the post and continued until i read the thread again. What I'm going to say is what some other forumers had already said, things your friends might had told you or even options that you have thought about yourself.

Please share with your husband this story:

One day, Mr. Pig and Ms. Chicken were having bacon and eggs for breakfast and they got to talking about how their life was.

Ms. Chicken: " Mr. Pig, everyday, these Human Beans keep coming by and keep telling me to LAY MORE EGGS. I tell you, its really a pain in the *ss and the kind of commitment and sacrifice I'm going through. Its just too much I tell you!"

Mr. Pig Nodded and continued eating.

Ms. Chicken continued her ramblings throughout breakfast until suddenly..

Mr. Pig interjected and said " Ms. Chicken, here you all talking about commitment and sacrifice and all these Human Beans are asking of you, is to lay more eggs. This breakfast we are having, Bacon and Eggs. Take a good look....

.... I need to cut a piece of me just for the Human Beans to have breakfast. So please, don't tell me about commitment and sacrifice when you have obviously no idea what that is."

Ms. Chicken keep quiet and left.

I hope you and everyone else can take away this phrase, "Sacrifice is painful." It hurts but we do it not because of obligations but because of love.

Any parents waking up early to send their kids to school? Why would they do this?

Is this a question of Obligation or an act of Love?

Any people here supporting their parents livelihood? Why would they do this?

Is this a question of Obligation or an act of Love?

There have been some opinions expressed and one or two could be construed as quite, how do i put it, extreme? but not without their own merit.

I would suggest you to firstly:

Look at yourself, your attitude towards the relationship, your attitude towards your spouse, your actions in this relationship. (i'm not saying that you are wrong, please do not misconstrue my intentions but I have helped a couple who are both my friends, salvage a relationship that was on the brink of divorce, but no matter what wrong the man had in the relationship, the wife had a little part to play; hence i'm suggesting to you to evaluate yourself critically because in the event a couple sits down to talk, there is always issues of negativity from either party. At least you would have been prepared)

Secondly, having been married to this man who you call your husband, I believe that if the clock was turned, you would have still done the same, even if you knew you would be unhappy today.

you have to evaulate yourself, if it means that I would need to have 101% commitment and sacrifice to this relationship, will I want to do this?

Ultimately, the other hand has to come around to show his commitment and his sacrifice to maintain build and develop this relationship.

The million dollar is:

"Staying Married"

Is this a question of Obligation or an act of Love?

If its the questionable obligation, you have your answer. Otherwise, you guys have plenty to work on.

-What is an act of love to you might not be to another person. (eg Giving you a kiss every morning?)

You guys need to work out each other's expectation and work around it.

If applied properly and sincerely, I do believe that everything will work out fine.

Me and Mrs Phantom do have our arguements but its always forgotten in due time. We're also learning as with everyone else and just like you and your other half.

Two roads diverged in the woods and I;

I took the path less travelled by and that has made all the difference.

Regards,

Mr. Phantom

 

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b4 marriage, we talked abt it & he improved. but only recently, he suddenly reverted to his old self. he wun call or sms me whenever he is out having fun. used to call him like 20 over times in the past, and he dun pick up the phone. sms also rarely reply. if reply, it's be monosyllabic. i do find tt kinda irresponsible. but i tink & tink & come to this conclusion: i am not his mother leh, he should have his own space & time, dun need to report to me all the time right? tt's why now i oredi stopped confronting him on this problem, more like acceptance. but just wondering why he liddat one. seriously dun feel good lah.

Hmm..last time when i was dating my hubby, he too, has the habit to MIA. For 2 days or more at times too...he was so swarmed with work, he cant be bothered to call or sms me. Took a few fights to get the idea thru his head. I tink i told him dat if one day i die on the road, cannt find him, cannt even say bye bye :notti: Or he die liao i also duno cos i cannt find him :bleah: His reason for being uncontactable is due to work but i also du lan liao not to mention ur hubby?? No need to tink why he is lidat, he is juz plain selfish dats all. Wan to get married & have a wife but dun wan to maintain the r/s? he got to noe dat marriage gota maintain one, not marry liao then end of story. Reali gota nip him in the bud else when u have kids hor & u cannt find him, i tell u, u will seriously feel v trapped & helpless.

 

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here i am offering my strange way of looking at things :bleah:

honestly, to me any sacrifices is not worth it

coz to me if i do it out of love, it's natural and i will never think of it as a sacrifice

e.g. my mum call me to say she is hungry, i'll give up my shopping trip and buy food home for her. will i consider that a sacrifice? NO coz i love her.

but if i consider it a sacrifice, i wouldn't even do it coz at the end of the day, i will blame her for missing on my shopping trip.

do not think about making sacrifices coz you will be bitter about it further down the road

you'll start thinking that i would have been this this this if not because of you

then your spouse will start feeling resentful too coz they didn't ask you to make any of the 'sacrifices'

do it willingly and the other party will come to appreciate

if they dun know how to appreciate you, then it's their loss and you still won't have negative feelings :notti:

 

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Hmmm...after reading all yr advices and woes....I suddenly recall back my 7 years of marriage...

It is not smooth sailing...we experienced ups and downs...And I am also the TS for some of the marriage

topics! And indeed it is not easy!

When we just get married, my HB do not contribute to all the housework although we stay only in

a small 3 room flat! And he dun bother even to wash a spoon after eating. He just leave it at the sink and

expect me to wash for him! Of course there were arguments and lotsa of them lor...And he is v pampered. If I were to leave for work earlier than him, he expects me to set the HP alarm for him, sms him on my way to work to ask him to rmb to close all windows and bring the bf tat I have prepared for him!

Seems like I am a nanny rite? Bt wel, I have learnt to accept it la.....I must say he change in some ways, but dun expect 100%. Before we gt married, I already noe he is a mummy's boy. And I am determined to transform him to another person aft our marriage. And I am proud to say he do change....he do help out in the chores...after 5 years of marriage! Haa.....if I cannot endure during the 5 years, I wld say our marriage is gone liao...

Now we hv shifted to a bigger house, and he do help out every sat on the household work. I am happi and contented even he dun do a good job!

A married couple is abt compromise and endurance. If u can get thru this tiding period, I am sure the best will come. Guys tend to matured later than ladies....they will realise one day....hmm...I am one good example...

Dun give up!

As for the coming home late without informing...educate him tat he is a married man liao and shd be responsible enuff to inform u where he go...else he must be contactable when u cal!

If problem still persists....let him hv a taste of his own medicine...dun pick up his cals and purposely stay back late...c hw he feels....and if he complains...tel him this is hw u feel each time he treats u tis way!

 

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Hmm..last time when i was dating my hubby, he too, has the habit to MIA. For 2 days or more at times too...he was so swarmed with work, he cant be bothered to call or sms me. Took a few fights to get the idea thru his head. I tink i told him dat if one day i die on the road, cannt find him, cannt even say bye bye :disturb: Or he die liao i also duno cos i cannt find him :dunno: His reason for being uncontactable is due to work but i also du lan liao not to mention ur hubby?? No need to tink why he is lidat, he is juz plain selfish dats all. Wan to get married & have a wife but dun wan to maintain the r/s? he got to noe dat marriage gota maintain one, not marry liao then end of story. Reali gota nip him in the bud else when u have kids hor & u cannt find him, i tell u, u will seriously feel v trapped & helpless.

yup, agreed with you. :bleah:

Hmmm...after reading all yr advices and woes....I suddenly recall back my 7 years of marriage...

It is not smooth sailing...we experienced ups and downs...And I am also the TS for some of the marriage

topics! And indeed it is not easy!

When we just get married, my HB do not contribute to all the housework although we stay only in

a small 3 room flat! And he dun bother even to wash a spoon after eating. He just leave it at the sink and

expect me to wash for him! Of course there were arguments and lotsa of them lor...And he is v pampered. If I were to leave for work earlier than him, he expects me to set the HP alarm for him, sms him on my way to work to ask him to rmb to close all windows and bring the bf tat I have prepared for him!

Seems like I am a nanny rite? Bt wel, I have learnt to accept it la.....I must say he change in some ways, but dun expect 100%. Before we gt married, I already noe he is a mummy's boy. And I am determined to transform him to another person aft our marriage. And I am proud to say he do change....he do help out in the chores...after 5 years of marriage! Haa.....if I cannot endure during the 5 years, I wld say our marriage is gone liao...

Now we hv shifted to a bigger house, and he do help out every sat on the household work. I am happi and contented even he dun do a good job!

A married couple is abt compromise and endurance. If u can get thru this tiding period, I am sure the best will come. Guys tend to matured later than ladies....they will realise one day....hmm...I am one good example...

Dun give up!

As for the coming home late without informing...educate him tat he is a married man liao and shd be responsible enuff to inform u where he go...else he must be contactable when u cal!

If problem still persists....let him hv a taste of his own medicine...dun pick up his cals and purposely stay back late...c hw he feels....and if he complains...tel him this is hw u feel each time he treats u tis way!

my hb was also a pampered boy before he married. my MIL would do everything for him. she would do his laundry, cooked for him, did the housework, brewed coffee for him and even ta bao food for him at times. :D

now, my hb complained that he has to do everything. he said life for him has changed. of course has changed lah b'cos he's married now. :yamseng:

 

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i did evaluate on myself before. tt's why i started to give him more space & kept quiet whenever he goes out to enjoy. just tt i dun comprehend why he doesnt at least inform me what time he coming back. difference btw me & ms chicken is tt ms chicken nags but i didnt even ask or confront him on this. if he's bz bcos of work, i wld try not to disturb him.

he assumes tt housework is my responsibility & claims tt he was "helping me" when he was hanging the clothes one day. argued lah but resolved it pretty quickly eventually.

it pains me as well when he kept stressing on the importance of helpers room when we were discussing our wedding dinner (so tt he can keep drinking wif his frens after the wedding). like our wedding is more for him & his frens liddat. tt's why i eliminated all the 5-star hotels liao.

all these unhappiness i just keep in my heart lah, at least liddat still have peace in the marriage. just dunno which day i will erupt only.

we gotta noe each other in 04, got tog in 05 & rom this yr (jan).

 

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